I may have ovulated during my period

Well, I'm not sure when I exactly ovulated, but I know I have ovulated before today, cycle day 10. Looking at my chart, it appears that I may have ovulated on cycle day 3!!!! I'm so confused. I didn't even think that it was possible to ovulate during your period. On cycle day 3 I had 4 antral follicles. They don't start to test progesterone until day 10. I have read that you can have antral follicles during your luteal phase, so it's possible by then I ovulated. I went in today for my cycle day 10 ultrasound and they told me that I had no measurable follicles, but I had 5 of them. I was confused because usually by cycle day 10 I'm ready to trigger. Well, a couple hours after I got home the nurse called me to say that my progesterone was high and that I already ovulated. I don't know what is going on or how this is even possible. I am very worried about myself and really think that there is something desperately wrong with me. Mind you I did take a very high dose of Femara last cycle which could explain why I ovulated super early this cycle. Maybe it lingered into my next cycle? 

I'm a bit worried because I'm going on a trip for 8 nights on January 19. I was thinking my cycle wouldn't be so weird and that I could control AF so I wouldn't see the witch during my trip, but it looks like I may be out of luck. The nurse told me to come in tomorrow to get progesterone and then come in 2 weeks for a pregnancy test. I don't think I have a chance this cycle. I'm going to take progesterone for 12 days starting tomorrow. Hopefully, it will delay AF and I won't get it when I'm away. We are going on a Caribbean cruise and I want to spend my time in a bathing suit and not stuck in my room the whole time rocking back and forth in pain. AF is torturous for me. 

For the first time ever, I don't think Progesterone is working

For the past few days my temperature has been steadily dropping. It is making me think that my period is going to come even though I'm on Progesterone. I have never got a period while on Progesterone before, but there is always a first for everything, well except for getting pregnant LOL. If Progesterone doesn't hold off AF anymore, I guess that would be okay since I am 13dpo. I normally would have stopped it by now, but I'm taking it longer because I don't want to have AF for my trip next month. That would suck!

On 10dpo I saw a lot of blood while wiping. I don't know what that was all about. I have had light spotting during my lp in the past, but I have never seen that much blood. I'm going to guess it was from the progesterone. I'm 100% sure it wasn't implantation bleeding because it's so rare. I'm also 100% sure I'm infertile and will never be able to have a child of my own. I don't know if I should take a pregnancy test or not. I don't want to waste the test.

I haven't ovulated yet

Usually the ultrasound technicians say nothing about anything to me. I always have to wait to see the doctor before I know what's going on. When your follicle(s) reach 16mm they use water as a lubricant. Usually you have to go in for ultrasounds starting on day 10 but because I ovulate stupidly early on medication, they tell me to come in on day 8. This cycle I didn't go in on day 8 because I was too sick to get out of bed. I asked the technician to use water just in case she thought that day 10 was too early for mature follicles and used lubricant. I then told her how they called me yesterday and told me that I was surging and to come back today for an ultrasound to see if I ovulated or not. After she was done the ultrasound she looked at me and said that my follicle from yesterday was still there. I was a bit concerned that TI was going to be too late this month, but I'm still in the running (HAHAHAHAHA....yeah right). Me get pregnant? PALEASE! 

My follicle today was 27mm and my lining was 7.1mm. The doctor of the day told me that sometimes an egg can release from a follicle but then the follicle seals up and stays around making it hard to know if you have actually ovulated or not. He told me that if my progesterone indicated that I ovulated that I would have to come back tomorrow to see if the follicle was gone. They called me around 2pm to tell me that I was still surging and my progesterone was still down. The nurse, who I absolutely adore, told me to have fun and come back on the weekend to check for ovulation. I usually go back a day or 2 after ovulation, but this time it will be 4-5 days after ovulation. I'm curious to know how thick my lining will be that far after ovulation. My hopes is that it gets thicker and isn't too thin. 

I'm Ovulating, ON CYCLE DAY 9!!!!

We got up at 630 this morning to go to the fertility clinic. I'm quite mad at the woman who took my blood this morning. She needed to take blood from my hand, but she didn't use a butterfly needle. She used a regular sized needle so now my hand has been hurting quite a bit all day. It's funny how I love everyone who works at that place except for the people who take blood. They are not very nice.

After I got my blood taken I went to get an ultrasound done. I have 1 follicle at 26mm. My lining was 6.1mm. He told me to give it one more day and then trigger tomorrow, but the nurse called and said I'm ovulating. I have been getting ovary pain and EWCM since CD7. I thought that I was just crazy and imagining things, but I guess I wasn't. The nurse said to come back tomorrow for an ovulation check which is weird because usually they tell me to wait for 2 days and then come back.

This is going to be a very short cycle which may not be a good thing because we are going away in January and I would HATE to be on AF during it. Thankfully I have lots of progesterone which will help me control my periods somewhat.

My weird cycle...

Well, at first my period seemed to be doing it's normal thing. I had heavy bleeding, big clots, and of course excruciating pain. But, then it started to get weird. After only 2 days AF just stopped. This was my shortest AF ever. I also get horrible hip and leg pain after my period ends which stays for 2 days, but this month I didn't have that. So I had AF for 2 days, and on CD4 up until now I have been having small amounts of EWCM and lots of ovary pain. I would have thought that it was my cyst getting bigger or something, but the doctor said my cyst was in my left ovary and the ovary pain I have been having for the past 2 days has been in my right ovary, so these ovary twinges aren't caused by that cyst, is it possible that I got another one? I'm not sure if cysts even cause pain. I only experience this type of pain when I'm close to ovulating, when I have big follicles. And what is up with the EWCM? Could it be the cyst producing estrogen, or could I be ovulating super early this month? I have a weird feeling that when I go in for my next ultrasound they are going to be telling me that I already ovulated. I have read that ovulating this early could be a sign of bad eggs. Apparently it's not good to have one follicle that matures super quick. I really should stop reading. The short period and the feeling that I'm going to ovulate on cycle day 7, is making this cycle a bit weird. 

It's only CD3 and I'm already out.

I went for my cycle day 3 monitoring appointment this morning. Of course I have a cyst in my left ovary and if my E2 is too high this cycle will be cancelled. I'm a bit confused because before when I had cysts they never told me that the cycle would be cancelled. They told me to come back like usual, but this time the doctor told me to cancel everything. This sucks. I hate not knowing what's going on with my body. I feel like the fertility clinic has stopped caring because I have been going there for so long. My own doctor told me to take a break, and now this? If there is nothing that can be done for me, then what's the point of getting brutal AFs every month? I might as well go back on Depo. There is no point in getting a period if I can't get pregnant. 

Our Fertility Specialist Appointment.

On Tuesday we went to see our doctor. He's old, so sometimes he's cranky and sometimes he is supper happy. Well, we happened to get him on one of his cranky days lol. I have seen him crankier so it wasn't so bad. 

We asked him if there are any more tests that should be done to rule anything out and he said no :(. He sad we have done every test that there is. We asked him if DH should see a urologist because of his low numbers, but he said that it wasn't necessary. He says that we likely have a fertilization problem. My husbands sperm cannot penetrate my eggs. Apparently, the edges of my eggs could be too thick for any sperm to penetrate, that or the sperm can't get to them. As you approach menopause the edges of your eggs become too thick for any sperm to get through. Since early menopause runs in my family and because of my numbers, he believes that this may be what my problem is. The only way to tell for sure if the edges of my eggs are too thick is IVF of course. It was really funny, he said that they used to try to fertilize hamster eggs with your partners sperm to see if it was a sperm or an egg issue, but it didn't work so they don't do that anymore. He told us we need IVF, but we have no coverage whatsoever and IVF is expensive. My husband said that we might be able to afford it in the summer. Hopefully it doesn't get to that point. I don't want to go through the torture. 

Because of my brutally horrid periods, I asked him if I could possibly have endometriosis and he said no. He said that none of my ultrasounds or blood work indicate endometriosis, but the only way to know for sure is to have a laparoscopy. He said I don't need one, but I guess to reassure me he referred me to a specialist who does them. My doctor said he used to do them, but no longer can't because of his age. 

Dr. Ewok told us that we should take another break and come back in the new year. Back in May he told us to take a break, but it did nothing but make me insane so I'm not going through that again. We told him that we don't want to break from going to the clinic. We are taking a break from IUIs since we are going away in January and need to save money. He upped my Femara from 7.5 mg a day to 12.5mg a day, so instead of taking 3 pills a day for 5 days I have to take 5 pills a day for 5 days. I never usually see women online get that high of a dose, so this should be interesting. 

I'm 5dpo and just waiting to pee on a pregnancy test that will come back with one line, and then I can stop my progesterone and start all over again. 

Femara/Letrozole does crazy things to my body.

I went in for my CD 8 ultrasound this morning, and I already have a mature follicle at 18. Why do medications like Femara and Clomid do this to me? I'm not complaining by all means, but I don't understand why one follicle grows super fast while on medication. I had other little ones that were all under 1.3. It is possible that the 13 can make it. I have had it happen before where small follicles caught up to the bigger ones. Once I had a follicle grow 4mm in 24 hours, so it is possible that my 13 will become a 17 by tomorrow. I love having normal cycles, well at least I think they're normal. By normal I mean ovulating before CD17 like usual and having a normal length LP. 

I am going to see my fertility specialist next Tuesday. We were originally going to have 2 IUIs, one with Femara and one with Gonal-F. However, I changed my mind. DH asked me if I would rather a phone instead of Gonal-F, and because the phone was less than half the price of Gonal-F and I wanted this phone forever, I got the phone. Instead of doing Gonal-F this cycle we did Femara. I ran out repeats and I'm hoping that my doctor will give me another prescription. If this IUI is unsuccessful we are taking an IUI break. I still want to be monitored, but maybe every other month instead of every month? I'm not sure yet. I definitely want to be on Femara and Progesterone because they make my cycle normal. 

We were going to do IVF in January, but decided to go on a cruise instead. We both need a vacation. We need to get our minds off all of this fertility torture, and I think a cruise will do just the trick. We went on a cruise to Mexico last year and loved it. This time we are going on a 7 night Eastern Caribbean cruise. We leave here on January 19. I'm super excited.  

Ovary pain and lots of EWCM on CD8

I know that the thought of ovulating this early is crazy, but it has happened before. The earliest I O'd on Femara was CD9, and I'm on CD 7 right now. I am having lots of ewcm and ovary pain. I know the ovary pain are follicles growing, but I can't explain the EWCM. I will find out what is going on when I get an ultrasound tomorrow.  

Dollarama Pregnancy Tests Are Crap. False Positive

What an evil evil evaporation  line I had the other day on a pro care dollarama pregnancy test. I thought  for sure I was pregnant, but nooo of course not. I don't understand why all of my tests had lines. What a cruel and evil trick. To make up for this, I better get pregnant with triplets next cycle.

Maybe I'm not out?

I have done more tests and they have come back with faint lines again. I have no idea what is going on. I have been getting lines on dollar store tests and lines on the loblaws early result brand. You would think if I was pregnant I would have a positive FRER, aren't they supposed to be the most accurate? Why am I always so thirsty, could it be a symptom?

We are going to Isis tomorrow to get a blood test to see if the tests are right, or if they are evil evaps.

These are what my tests looked like from tonight. They were both taken with different urine

Dollarama test



Loblaws test

My tests were crap, i'm out!

The lines kept getting lighter and now there are no lines to look at. Well, there may have been something very faint on this mornings dollar store test but it had to be an EVAP because this afternoon I took an FRER and it was a BFMFN. I took one progesterone this morning, but now I'm stopping. I want my period to come and be over with. 

I think I'm done. I can't stand feeling this way anymore. I do nothing but cry and I'm always sad. I get excruciating period cramps that are unbearable. I think it's time to go back on BC and get rid of my stupid periods. If 3 IUIs haven't worked, then nothing will. I'm infertile and there's nothing I can do about it, but be sad. I usually call the fertility clinic on day 1, but I don't think I will this month. What's the point?

I think all of my tests were evaps :(

Shouldn't they be getting darker? This is from this morning:

10DPO FMU Possible Positive Pregnancy Test

I have been testing with a dollar store test every day twice a day for the past 2 days. Yesterday morning I had a very visible line, but in the afternoon it wasn't very noticeable but there. This morning I tested again with FMU and I got another faint squinter line, however, it doesn't seem to be as dark as yesterday mornings test. It takes 48-72 hours for HCG levels to double which could explain why my tests aren't getting that darker. I have also read that some tests have more dye than other tests so sometimes the lines can get lighter. I also tested this afternoon around 4pm with a cheap test and there was barely a line again. I could hardly tell if it was an evap or not. Now it does say on the instructions of this test that first morning urine is recommended which would explain why I get positives in the morning and possible negatives at night.

I don't think I am pregnant. I bought an FRER and I couldn't see a line. I only saw a line when I took it out of its case, but I don't think it's real. My FMU dollar store test clearly shows a line. I played with it and you could see the line clear as day. You can also see it when it's not played with. I'm so confused.

Here is a picture of the FRER I took around 11 am. This is driving me nuts.

I saw another line with FMU....

And this time the line is actually darker! I don't know what to think. Getting pregnant just seems like it's too good to be true. It feels like my odds of winning the lottery are better than having a baby. Anyways, I couldn't help myself and tested again with a test from dollarama. My test was taken at 7am. My temperature also went back up. Weird things have been happening this cycle so I'm really wondering, but it couldn't be possible it just couldn't be. There's no way. Me pregnant? HAHHA YEAH RIGHT!

Here's the picture, and I know it's probably not real. I just want it so badly that I'm seeing things.



Uploaded with ImageShack.us

I tested again, and I see it again.

Am I going totally insane? Am I imagining things? If I was, then why would my DH see the line too? It's still very early so the line is very faint. I can see it better in person. I'm going to test again tomorrow morning. Here's my newest picture.



Uploaded with ImageShack.us

I ovulated at least 2 eggs on Femara/Letrozole.

I went in for my CD14 ultrasound this morning, and I ovulated at least two eggs. I totally didn't expect to ovulate more than one follicle on Femara, and I definitely didn't expect to ovulate more than one egg without getting the HCG trigger. This answered my question about ovulating more than one egg without the HCG trigger. I thought that without it there was no chance of ovulating more than one, but I was wrong. I told the doctor that I didn't think one could ovulate more than one on Femara and she said that it's not common but sometimes on higher dosages you do. I am on a high dose, but I was on a high dose last cycle and I only had one mature follicle. This time I had 3 and ovulated at least 2. I'm supposed to go back for a blood pregnancy test on the 22nd of October, but I doubt I will make it until then. I will be 15dpo and will only go to get a blood test if an FRER comes back positive. I'm going to start progesterone tonight and will be taking 3 a day making it 600mg a day. I'm not looking forward to it because they are gross and disgusting. I hate peeing bubbles lol. I'm not confident that this cycle will work, but weirder things have happened I guess.

Oh, and I almost forgot. My lining today was 10mm. It's growing, yay.

My IUI hurt this morning

This morning when I had my IUI I just wanted to scream. The doctor said that the pain was probably because the sperm hit the top of my uterus. I know what type of pain she's talking about it and what I experienced today was not that. I'm thinking it may be because of Femara. I find it dries me out down there.

DH's post was sperm count was 7.8 million. 39 million/mL and 40% motile. Out of all 5 IUIs this one has been the second best. I know it only takes one swimmer to do the trick, but I can't help to wonder why his is low compared to others who I have seen online. The doctor who did the IUI today said that it was fine and I shouldn't compare us to others because it's like comparing height but the hypochondriac inside of me is saying that it's a severe problem.

Fingers crossed that this will work. I doubt it will. It hasn't worked before so why would it work now? Next cycle we are doing Gonal-F again. If next cycle doesn't work we are going to see our doctor and ask him what he thinks.

I'm surging so there won't be an HCG trigger this month

The fertility clinic called to tell me that my blood work from this morning is LH surging. I have 3 good follicles this month and now I'm worried that only 1 will ovulate. I have read somewhere that HCG releases all mature follicles, but when you ovulate naturally only 1 follicle will release an egg. I know it only takes one, but I think my odds of getting pregnant would be better if I ovulated more than one. The internet gives too much conflicting information because I also read that trigger or no trigger once you ovulate you will ovulate all mature follicles. I don't know what to believe. It's something to ask the doctor. We are going in tomorrow morning for an IUI. We have to give them the sample at 730 and then go back at 1030 for the IUI. This morning I had 3 follicles that were 21, 18, and 16mm. My lining was 8.3. 8.3 isn't good, is it? I'm looking forward to find out what DH's post wash sperm count is tomorrow. He quit smoking, so I can't wait to see if his numbers have improved. 

CD11 monitoring update...3 good follicles on Femara/Letrozole

I was under the impression that Femara wasn't supposed to give you more than one mature follicle, but I was wrong. After looking it up, I have discovered that lots of women who took Femara had more than 1 mature follicle and ended up with multiples. I went in this morning for my cycle day 11 monitoring appointment. I have 3 follicles. 20, 17, and 16mm. This so far has been the best count yet. On my gonal-F cycle I had 3 mature follicles, but they weren't this big this early. I am having crazy ovulation pains on both sides which is unusual. I am going in again tomorrow, and I'm assuming that the doctor of the day will prescribe HCG. Usually on Saturday my own doctor is working and I'm sure if my lead follicle is more than 20 mm he will want me to trigger. They changed how they do the IUI's at my clinic so I am assuming that I will have my IUI the day after my trigger shot which would be on Sunday. 

High cycle day 3 FSH and Femara side effects.

My day 3 FSH this cycle was at an all time high of 10.7 :( It has never been this high, so now I'm super freaked out. The doctor of the day today told me that because of my age I shouldn't be worried. I disagree with him though because my AFC is always low and my AMH is too low. With an FSH of 10.7, an AMH of 1.2, and an AFC of only 6, there is definitely something wrong here. It's funny how my own doctor never seems concerned about my FSH or AFC, but is concerned about my AMH, whereas, the internet says my AFC and FSH for my age is bad, but my AMH isn't too bad. How confusing. I'm very worried about myself. If this doesn't happen soon, it never will. My biological clock is ticking way too fast for my age, so this better hurry up! I'm running out of patience and so are my ovaries, apparently.

There is some good news to share, I have 3 big follicles on cycle day 9! I took 7.5mg of Femara this month. I found it very odd how for the last 2 days I have been having ovary pain on both sides. Usually I only get ovary pain on one side. The 3 follicles growing inside of me would explain it. I have a 17mm follicle and 2 15mm follicles. Yesterday my 17 was a 16 and the 15's were a 12 and 13. I'm hoping that they continue to grow and I have all 3 of them by the time we have to trigger. I'm assuming with a 17mm follicle that I will be having my IUI on Friday or Saturday. We will see. I have to go in daily for ultrasounds and blood work now.

I also have been experiencing bad side effects from the Femara. I didn't have any side effects when I was on a lower dosage than 7.5mg. I have been getting excruciating headaches, hot flashes, night sweats, bad ovary pain, abdominal discomfort, and bloating.

1 IUI instead of 2 IUI's and sperm DNA fragmentation results

The other day I said that I was giving up. Well, that's not true of course. I say that a lot especially when I'm on AF. Sometimes I just get so frustrated.

I went in today for my cycle day 3 ultrasound and I was not happy with my AFC. It was only 8 in total. That's menopause for you. We also discovered that our fertility clinic is only recommending 1 IUI instead of 2 back to back IUI's. Before it cost $400 for a back to back IUI cycle and $200 for a single IUI. Well now they are charging $350 for 1 IUI or $450 for 2 IUIs. It's only $50 more than before for 2, but they are saying that 2 doesn't increase your odds anymore than 1 does and they only gave us 1 cup. So we are going to do 1 IUI instead of 2 this cycle. I'm taking 7.5 mg of Femara.

DH got his DNA fragmentation test results today. I was very worried about this test. I thought that if it didn't come back bad it would come back borderline high, but it came back perfectly normal. He's in the excellent fertility range when it comes to that test. It was 13.8%, and anything under 30% is normal. Anything less than 15% is considered excellent. I'm curious to see what his post wash SA is.

I go back to the clinic on cycle day 8 because of how fast my follicles grow while I'm on medication. Usually you're supposed to go in on cycle day 10. 

AF is coming, so it's time to call the fertility clinic.

Yesterday my bbt dropped and then today it dropped some more. I have had bad cramps since yesterday. I definitely expect to see AF today which also happens to be my little cousins birthday. She's turning 8 and I can't believe how fast time flies by. I remember visiting her in the hospital when she was just a few hours old. Her mom got me to take care of her for a few minutes while she went down to sign birth papers. I remember being so frightened thinking that something bad would happen to her while I was watching her, but nope. She was a little angel and didn't make a peep for the entire time her mom was gone. It was my first time ever taking care of a newborn baby all by myself. I was single at the time and remember thinking that I would never find a man worthy enough to have kids with, well I was wrong about that.

In about an hour from now I am going to the pharmacy to get my medication for this cycle. I need to get Percocets for my excruciating period cramps. At times like this I wish I could get a sex change. I also need to get Femara. I will be taking 7.5 mg again this cycle along with a HCG trigger shot and a back to back IUI. As soon as AF gets here I will call the fertility clinic and book my cycle day 3 ultrasound. Because my follicle got so big so fast last cycle, my doctor wants me to come in on cycle day 8 to start the monitoring instead of cycle day 10. As soon as my lead follicle gets mature I will get the HCG trigger shot and then hopefully my uterine lining is thick enough to do an IUI. The first time I was going to do an IUI my lining was too thin so we cancelled it. I am very curious to see what DH's post wash sperm count is. I'm hoping since he quit smoking that it has improved. Hey, I just noticed something for the first time LOL. DH are my husbands actual initials. All of this time I have been referring to him as my darling husband without realizing DH is his name....huh. 

Fertility Specialist Appointment~AMH Test Results

We went to see our doctor today. He said we have to be speedy and don't have much time left because my AMH is low at 9 pmol/L. He said I have a low ovarian reserve. This scares the crap out of me because my aunt and my grandmother both went into menopause when they were in their early 30's. It looks like I'm following in their footsteps. Why did I have to get the bad gene? I have no idea how much longer I have, but I hope it's not as early as them. They both had kids, but they were young when they got pregnant. By the time they were my age they were done having kids. 

So with my crappy eggs and my husbands low sperm count, we are going to take my doctors advice and move quickly. The plan so far (the plan could always change, however.) is to have 2 more IUI's. One with Femara and one with Gonal-F. If they don't work we will try Femara on it's own for a couple of more months and then go to IVF. Will we even have a chance at IVF? It looks like adoption may be our only hope.

I Tested This Morning...

...and of course it was a BFFN (big fat fucking negative). I wasn't expecting it to be positive because it never is. I usually don't test this early, but today is my birthday and what a great birthday present it would be to see a second line on a pregnancy test. Oh well, maybe next year.

We are going to the fertility clinic today to talk to our doctor, Dr. Ewok to plan next cycle and to see if my AMH test results are back. I also want to ask him about my big follicle on CD10. The doctor of the day that day said it was too early to be that big, so we will see what my own doctor has to say. I have come to learn that if I want to know anything at all I have to do is ask my doctor because it seems like the other doctors sometimes don't know what they are talking about. I will post about what happened at the doctors later.

I contacted an adoption social worker

I have lost all hope. Every day that goes by I feel more hopeless. I don't think I will ever be able to have a child of my own, so I contacted an adoption social worker. I asked her 2 questions. The first question I asked how long it would take to adopt a baby and if there was a waiting list. She said that if you are adopting privately there is no waiting list, however, the birth mother chooses the adoptive parents so it could take as little as 6 months or as long as 6 years depending if someone chooses you or not. This worries me a little because I don't think anyone would choose me to raise their child. The minute any birth parent laid eyes on me they would be like, "NO WAY!" I'm ugly and shy and I'm pretty sure that will be a problem for anyone. I don't make good first impressions, and not many people like me. 

I also asked the social worker if me not working would be a problem, and she said no. She said as long as we have enough money to support a child that's all that matters.

It's $120 for a consultation with her, and if I'm not pregnant soon we will see her and start the home study process. 

I DON'T WANT IT TO COME TO THIS :(

We are increasing my Progesterone.

My doctor always told me to take 2 a day, but on the box it says to take 3 a day. When I wasn't being monitored I would take 1 a day so I wouldn't worry about running out. The doctor of the day yesterday told us that the clinic policy is to take 3 a day. When I got home I thought about it, and thought that maybe I'm not getting enough progesterone. Even though my luteal phase has lengthened, maybe the progesterone wasn't working. From now on I think we will take 600mg instead of 400mg. 

Ovulation Check...

I ovulated. 

We went to the fertility clinic today where the doctor of the day was Dr. G. I had my cycle day 16 ultrasound this morning. After the ultrasound I saw Dr. G who told me that I ovulated. I assumed I have since my monitor peaked and my basal body temperature spiked. 

This is a funny story. Usually after I ovulate my uterine lining shrinks. It always worries me. I always have a lining that never seems to get bigger than 7mm. Except for when I was on Gonal-F. This time, however, My lining at ovulation was 8 mm. That's the biggest it has ever been, well except for the Gonal-F cycle. This cycle after ovulation my lining was a whopping 11.5!!! Okay, so I know that may not be that good compared to a normal person, bu it made me happy. Even after the Gonal-F cycle my lining shrunk after ovulation. I have been monitored every month for almost a year now, and my lining never grows after ovulation. I'm hoping this means that my body is maybe returning back to normal after the Depo Provera shot. I know this isn't possible, and hey I'm sorry for being optimistic for once, but maybe for once an egg fertilized? I'm probably not pregnant that just seems impossible, but hope is all I have right now. 

Apparently, the government of ontario makes it mandatory for all patients to have an HIV test every six months. On CD3 I had mine done, but DH didn't feel like getting poked that day. He had his done today. I don't want my DH to have to be poked every six months. He doesn't like it, and they can never get his veins. 

I'm making an appointment with my regular doctor, Dr. Ewok. We are going to ask him for my AMH test results. We are going to ask him what we should do with our medication, and we are demanding an IUI (inter uterine insemination) for next cycle. Hopefully, it doesn't get to that. I'm sick of this TTC journey now. I want it to end with a happy ending, NOW! and then we will start the journey again for number 2,3,4,5,6, and 7. Yup, I'm getting greedy. I went from wanting no kids to 1 kid to 2 kids, a now because INFERTILITY sucks I want 7. The funny thing is, DH says he doesn't mind. I'm sure our opinions will change after we have kids of course. I want to have a big family now. Is it karma that 10 years ago I didn't want a family? That's only because I didn't think I would meet anyone like DH to have kids with. 

The Fertility Clinic Called

They said my LH was surging. I'm going back on wednesday for an ovulation check. I was pretty sure they would call because of the clear blue fertility monitor peak. 

Cycle Monitoring Update. CD14

The doctor of the day today was Dr. Jong. He said that there's a controversy about follicle size and fertilization. He said that any follicle that is bigger than 28mm is harder to fertilize. Well, I hope that's not true because my follicle was 28mm today. It is the biggest that it has ever been because I always get a HCG trigger shot before it reaches that big. When I wasn't on medication and being monitoring, my follicle size only got as big as 18mm. I'm hoping the bigger the target is the better it is for the sperm to get to. Dr. Jong offered us a trigger shot, but we decided not to get one. Good thing we didn't get one because as soon as I got home my Clearblue Fertility Monitor peaked. I was pretty sure I was going to surge soon because yesterday a dollar store OPK had a dark line. I guess the fertility clinic will be calling me in the afternoon to let me know. Now it's just a waiting game, that I always lose of course so I don't see how this month will be any different. 

HUGE CD10 follicle size on after taking Femaara

Well, I had my cycle day 10 ultrasound today, and I'm not sure what to think. Let me start from the beginning, you know from when I woke up? I woke up took my temperature, and then went to pee on a CBFM stick. My monitor read low, and the stick looked like a low. The one side was very dark. I was shocked when I went to the fertility clinic this morning to find out that my lead follicle was 21 mm. Femara is an estrogen blocker which could explain the low on my monitor. It wouldn't surprise me at all if my monitor skips the highs and goes straight to a peak. If we were getting a trigger, I would know what to expect, but since we aren't I have no idea. We are also going away for 4 days, so I won't be able to go back to get any follow up ultrasounds. The doctor said I could go back on Monday, but by then it would be too late and getting poked and probed just to see if I ovulated wouldn't be worth it. I might just go anyway. I will definitely go if I have no signs of ovulation like no temp rise, peak on my monitor, or a positive OPK.

Well, I'm off to get my allergy shot now. 

Ovary Pain While On Femara

My doctor has me on 7.5 mg of Femara from days 3-7. Since the second day of taking it, I have been having very bad ovary pain. I know they are just developing follicles, but it's very annoying and hurts. I don't remember this happening with Clomid or Femara before, so this is kind of weird. I'm going for my cycle day 10 monitoring appointment tomorrow. Hopefully, they'll have a reason as to why I'm experiencing so much pain. 

Cycle Day 3 Monitoring Appointment

Today I had to get up earlier than usual because I had my day 3 cycle monitoring. Every 6 months they make you do a full bladder ultrasound, so I had to drink a litre of water within an hour, and boy did I ever have to pee lol. Like usual, the very first thing I do is get my blood taken. I also had an AMH blood test as well as the regular day 3 tests. They only call me to tell me my results if there is something wrong, otherwise, I have to wait until cycle day 10 to find out my blood results. I guess I could call them and ask, but I don't like calling them. My AMH test won't be back for another 2-3 weeks :( My ultrasound was fine. I had no cysts. I was expecting my AFC to be very low, but it wasn't too bad. I had 8 follicles on the right and 4 follicles on the left. I have never had more than 6 follicles on one side, so I was happy about that.  I'm taking 7.5 mg of Femara this month with timed intercourse. Hopefully, it works. I'm getting sick and tired of not getting pregnant.

My Fertility Specialist Appointment

Yesterday we finally went to see our fertility specialist, Dr. Ewok. It feels so great to be back there again because I felt like I was accomplishing nothing by only having sex during ovulation. Not only that, but I feel the need to know everything there is to know about my body. We paid for a full year of cycle monitoring, so I'm glad to be continuing it again. I must know what my numbers are. I'm very weird. 

I have a kind of funny story. At my clinic there are at least 8 doctors who work there, so when you go in for monitoring the doctor of the day goes over the results with you. About 8 months I asked the doctor of the day if the clinic tested AMH, and he said no because there's not enough research to prove that it means anything. I was sad about this because I am super worried about my egg quality. I am only 29 and my FSH is 10 and my lowest AFC was a 6. Dr. Ewok (my own doctor) has told me that those numbers are just fine and I have nothing to worry about, but it does worry me because I read different things online that scare the crap out of me. Anyways, yesterday I told him again about how worried I was, and I asked him if there was any possibility that I could have an AMH test done. His response was, "sure, of course I will order that test for you." WHAT????? You mean to tell me that for 8 months I was under the impression that the clinic doesn't test AMH, so I never asked my own doctor? I could have had this test done, and maybe I wouldn't be so worried like I am now because just maybe they will come back normal. I don't like that the different doctors there have different opinions. One of them told me that I didn't need progesterone, and a luteal phase of 9 days is just fine. My doctor tested my progesterone and it came back at a 2. I'm so happy that I have the doctor that I do because any other doctor might not have cared that much, and not do anything to help me.  I am so excited to be finally having this AMH test. It isn't covered, so it will cost $85 :(, but I don't care because I want some reassurance. I'm going to get the test this Thursday along with all of my other blood tests.

I have seen that a lot of women with short luteal phases have high prolactin. I asked Dr. Ewok if he has ever checked my prolactin numbers. I think he said he checked it 3 times. It was 44, 30, and 22. It should be under 30. He said that it fluctuates, and because it was only high once he wasn't that concerned. I'm going to make sure they keep an eye on it because if it continues to stay high I want medication. It have seen 2 ladies take a prolactin medicine and then get pregnant 2 months later. It really does suck that all of my numbers are always borderline, so doctors just wave them off as nothing. I also asked him about my high platelets, and he said that it was high, so he's testing it again. I have started taking baby aspirin again, so I'm not sure if I should stop until he does the test or not. When I asked him about my high testosterone he said that it's usually high at the begininning of your cycle, but then gets lower as your cycle goes on. Maybe he was saying that mine is high at first, but gets normal? I don't know, but I have read that high testosterone causes your eggs to be bad. 

Dr. Ewok said that DH's sperm counts needed to be higher. He ordered him a special SA, it's called a DNA fragmentation. I don't know much about the test because I haven't looked it up yet, but all he has to do is produce a sample on September 10. I have some great news though, DH has quit smoking. He has been smoke free for 13 days now, and I am very proud of him. I'm sure this will help his numbers. He has also been taking Zinc every day. We are also going to do another SA soon.

This cycle I will be doing cycle monitoring, 7.5 mg of Femara, and 400 mg of Progesterone after ovulation. Dr. Ewok told us to make another appointment in a month to discuss what we will do next cycle. Hopefully, my next cycle will be in 10 months! 

Blogging really helps me because I can get things off of my chest, so I think I will do it more often. I have been so depressed lately that I need to do something about it. 

My Positive HSG Experience. It felt like a period cramp.

Well, I haven't been posting for a long time, but that's because I have been too depressed. I don't want to do anything.

I was terrified of the HSG test because I had read stories on the internet that freaked me out. A lot of people have had horrible experiences, so I thought for sure I would have one too. Fortunately for me, the test was easy. The worst part was the anticipation. For the actual procedure the worst part was when they put the metal thing in and it feels like they are turning it inside of you. That particular part felt like a pap smear, and I HATE pap smears. They are painless, but so uncomfortable. As soon as the doctor put the dye inside of me I felt severe period cramps that only lasted for 1 second. As soon as the test was over the cramps were gone. Let's put it this way, I have had worse period cramps than that test. The dye part felt exactly like a period coming and ending immediately. I guess the only thing that made it different was the pressure. I don't get that pressure with periods.

The good news, besides the fact that the test was a piece of cake, is that my tubes are open. Radiology is reviewing the results to get a better look and I have an appointment with my RE on August 28 to go over the results with him and to see what he thinks we should do next. I'm assuming IVF, but we will see. I would like to do at least two more IUI's before we head down that route. I hope he's okay with it.

Oh no, I'm in pain :(

I have a feeling that thanks to Gonal-F I cysts. With Serophine (Clomid) I got cysts. I have read online that cysts are very common with Gonal-F, so I'm sure I have some. I don't remember ever being in this much pain with them before, so now I'm worried. I'll find out on my cycle day 3 ultrasound what's going on. If the pain gets worse I will call the nurse. 

Cycle Monitoring Update

I went in this morning for my CD12 ultrasound, and I was actually surprised. My 3 little follicles from yesterday grew into mature ones. I also have 2 little ones. The 3 mature ones grew 3 mm in one day. Today they were 19, 17, 16. The two smaller ones were 13 and 12. Even though I'm happy about my 3 mature follicles, I am still wondering if I didn't respond as well as I should have to the Gonal-F. When I told my doctor I didn't think the Gonal-F was working he asked me if I wanted dynamite lol. He also asked me what I thought about having twins. I never thought I would hear him say the word twins.  All I want is one healthy baby. I will be going in tomorrow to check on my follicles again. My RE said that I should be ready to trigger tomorrow, and then have my IUI's on Monday and Tuesday. I hope all 3 mature follicles will still be there. I hopefully took my last shot of Gonal-F tonight. I'm sick of needles in my stomach. My husband gives them to me every night. He's the best!

Scared and Confused :( Gonal-F

I think that I will start to blog more often. I like to get things off of my mind, and writing is very therapeutic. Trying to have a baby has become very depressing and hard for me. I am SHOCKED that I haven't gotten pregnant yet. I thought for sure that it would have happened by now. Almost everyone I know in real life seems to have no problems conceiving. Over a year ago at my wedding there were 4 women who after we got married got pregnant and now all babies. Why couldn't that be us? I was convinced that I would be pregnant before our wedding in March 2011, but boy was I wrong. When my period returned to normal after I came off of birth control, I thought bam I would be pregnant just like that. Just like a family friend I know. The month she came off of birth control she got pregnant, but I have been off of birth control for over 2 years now, so why hasn't it happened yet? Oh, this is also the same person who threw her pregnancy in my face. She knew we were trying, but would do and say mean things to me. That's a whole other story. People in the world can be cruel.

Why am I scared? I am afraid that I will never be a mother and my husband will never be a father and that we will never have a family :( Is asking for a child too much to ask for? I mean I already have so much in my life right now that I thought I would never have. I never thought in a million years I would meet a man who I would love so much and marry. There are a lot of women out there who are single and would die for the love that my husband and I have for each other. I'm afraid that my body is wrecked and I will never be able to get pregnant. I don't respond well to fertility medications, so I am afraid that we will need IVF and the drugs they will give me won't give me enough eggs for it to work. The thought of never having children scares the hell out of me. It's a weird feeling because 5 years ago I didn't think I would ever have kids. I didn't think I would marry my husband and I never thought I would financially be able afford children.

Why am I confused? GONAL-F IS WHY!!!! I am not producing as many follicles as I thought I would be. I see women on low doses of Clomid produce more follicles than I am while I'm taking Gonal-F which I thought was supposed to be a better medication. It sure as hell costs way more. $1297 for Gonal-F so far this cycle!!!! And, who knows if we will have to buy more.  I am on cycle day 11 today and only have 3 small follicles measuring 16, 14, 13 mm. I was expecting to see way more at this point, and I was also expecting to see bigger ones. The doctor today at Isis (my fertility clinic) didn't seem to be concerned. He did say that they were growing slowly, but he said that everyone is different and that's just how my body is. He said it is like how some people are short and some people are tall, blah blah blah. I have to point out that he's not my regular RE, but he's the doctor of the day. At our clinic they have a bunch of doctors who take turns everyday seeing patients, but everyone is assigned to one doctor. When I have my IUI's and am monitored I see the doctor of the day. This is the only thing that I don't like about my clinic because it seems like the only doctor who knows anything about me is mine. The other doctors only look at what was done that day and not your whole history. It also seems like every doctor has a different opinion about things. For an example, one doctor told me that I don't need progesterone, but my own doctor said that I do. One doctor said that he likes to see FSH under 14, but another one said they like to see it under 11. I consider myself to be very lucky that I have the doctor that I have. If I had someone else, there's no way they would do the things that Dr. Ewok does for me like check progesterone levels and stuff. Back to Gonal-F. I don't understand why I'm not making that many follicles. I will be lucky and excited if I have 2 at the time of trigger which is sad because I thought that I would have had a lot more. I see women online get like 4-6 with smaller doses of Gonal-F than I am on. I have seen a few women get 9 mature follicles. Where are their follicles coming from, and why don't I have as many as them? I know I shouldn't compare myself with others, but it's very hard not to when I seem to be abnormal compared to everyone. My hope is that all 3 of the follicles I have will grow and mature for the trigger shot. I could have sworn when the doctor was showing me my follicle sizes that there were a few at 11mm, but he said I had 3. The goal is to get all three of these suckers to mature. I just feel like I have a better shot at getting pregnant with more follicles. More targets for DH's little swimmers to get to. When I saw my RE earlier this week he said he would be working all weekend, so that's very exciting for me. I'm looking forward to seeing Dr. Ewok tomorrow to see what he thinks of these little tiny follicles and to ask him why they aren't growing as fast as they did while I was on Clomid.

WOW, that was long and all over the place, but writing really helps with TTC insanity.

Oh, and if anyone is wondering why my font is so huge, it's because my vision is horrible and I like the font big lol.

My First IUI Failed :(

I don't know why, but half way through my luteal phase I had a very strong feeling that my very first ever IUI didn't work. Sure enough, I was right! AF came 2 days ago. I don't understand why it didn't work. I have been trying to figure out why every day. I can't get it out of my head. I keep obsessing. I just don't understand why a perfectly timed IUI didn't work. DH said we just weren't lucky this time. I hope he's right and we get lucky soon. 


Last month I was on 5mg of Femara for 5 days. I had an HCG trigger shot and of course progesterone suppositories. This month I will be starting Gonal-F injections for the very first time. I am quite nervous about the injections. Not because of the needle, but because of the side effects. Clomid gave me cysts, and I am afraid that Gonal-F will give me even more cysts. I have read of women having kidney failure from this stuff. Being the hypochondriac that I am, that scares the living hell out of me. The doctor prescribed me a 900IU pen that we will pick up tomorrow. We didn't pick it up today because they wanted to make sure my blood work came back normal from today. 


I had a cycle day 2 baseline ultrasound today. For the first time in a long time I have no cysts. I guess the Clomid is completely out of my body. My AFC last cycle was so low which had me very worried. It was only 6 between both ovaries. The doctor didn't seem concerned about it, but I was. Anyway, I was happy that this cycle it was 12. That's the highest AFC I have ever had. Hopefully, the Gonal-F will mature some of them. I would love to see more than one mature follicle for once. I would feel like there was a better chance if I had more than one mature follicle. Clomid or Femara didn't work, so hopefully this stuff will. The clinic never called me back today, so I will have to wait until Monday to find out what my E2 and FSH was today.


I am hoping that this cycle is the one and we get our BFP and a healthy baby! I need to keep writing because I'm going insane and need to do something about it. Journaling is therapeutic.