IVF with ICSI Short Protocol.

Yesterday it was confirmed that we will be moving on to IVF next cycle.  I went to the fertility clinic yesterday for my routine blood test and ultrasound. I also had a sonohysterogram and saw my RE. My SHG came back normal which was a relief. After the sono was over I saw my RE to discuss a protocol.  We decided on the short protocol. On CD1 I have to call the clinic to make an appointment for a baseline ultrasound, and if everything is good then  they will stock me up with all kinds of fun drugs.

Here's what I will be taking:

• Puregon (250 iu)
• Menopur (150 iu)
• Cetrotide (once a lead follicle reaches 14mm)
• HCG (36 hours before retrieval)
• Progesterone suppositories (600mg/day after ovulation for hopefully 12 weeks ;) 

Because of DH's semen analysis and post wash history, our RE recommended ICSI (Intra cytoplasmic sperm injection). Instead of putting my eggs and DH's sperm in a petri dish to see if they fertilize on their own, they are going to inject the sperm into my eggs. My doctor said that he thinks I will get about 6 embryos which would make me very happy!

With my history, I keep thinking that I won't respond to medications and the cycle will be cancelled, however I'm confident that won't happen because I will be taking a whole new set of drugs that I have never had before. I'm on cycle day 11 right now and can't wait to get this started, although I would rather see 2 pink lines this cycle instead.

Insomnia due to infertility depression

It's 5am here and I can't sleep. Everyone keeps telling me I have nothing to be depressed about because it's no big deal that I can't get pregnant. They tell me that I'm overreacting and can't expect everything I want in life. According to everyone around me, without the exception of DH, I have no right to be depressed about this. Apparently, I'm nuts because I get sad seeing pregnant women. Does anyone know how I can feel the way everyone thinks I should feel? I don't know how to feel like a normal person who is in my situation struggling with infertility. When I told someone who I really care about and needed their support that I was going through IVF, all they had to say was oh yeah? Another person who I thought would be supportive told me that at least I won't have to go through anything during IVF. Um, that's not what the doctor said lol. When I told this person that it was invasive, she told me that I would get through it and it couldn't be that bad. Not even a good luck, or I hope it works, nothing but negativity. I have gotten no encouragement from anyone I know in real life. Everyone who I know that is pregnant is getting tons of support from the same people who could care less about my severe depression due to infertility.

I really wish I could feel the way I'm supposed to feel at a time like this, happy and not caring because IVF is no big deal according to the people I told. I have been trying so hard, but I can't feel the way everyone says I should feel. I'm such a big baby and hate it. I want to be a stronger person.

I haven't told anyone when we will be doing IVF, and I don't plan to either because it's obvious they don't care. From now on my struggle with getting pregnant will be kept to myself and my online friends. I'm sick of being told to stop talking about it when I do.

Sorry for being such a drama queen, but I needed to vent.

DH and I saw the IVF nurse today and hope to start after my next cycle

I didn't think that I needed to see my doctor before I saw an IVF nurse, so I made an appointment with her first...oops. That's okay though because she said she would see me again on the day that I see my doctor. I'm seeing the doctor to come up with a protocol that will be suited for me. I was happy to hear that because I didn't think I would be getting anything else besides 200 units of Gonal-F. The nurse said that because of my history as a poor responder I will most likely be on a combination of drugs. She said their goal is to turn you into a cat by making you produce lots of eggs at once instead of just one. On May 29 we will see our RE to come up with a protocol and then see the nurse after the appointment to go over the timeline and learn how to prepare and administer drugs. I know how to use a gonal-f pen and ovidrel comes prepared, but I have no clue how to prepare the other drugs that I will be on.

Today the nurse went over all of the consent forms that we need to sign and all of the fees. The actual IVF is $5800. ICSI will be $1000. If we are lucky enough to have extra embryos to freeze, that will cost $875 for freezing with a year of storage and $200 per year after that. If we want to use our leftover embryos (if we have any), it will cost $1000 for thawing and transferring. Our provincial insurance won't cover ultrasounds or blood work for an IVF cycle which is stupid, so that will cost $300 for the cycle. All together not including drugs IVF will cost $7975.

My last sonohystergram was in 2011, so the nurse said that I will need another one before I can do IVF. I'm going to have one this cycle that's coming up. After we see the doctor and nurse on May 29th we will start IVF as soon as they let us which will probably be in June. I'm not sure if I will be on the long protocol or the short protocol, but my guess is the short since I have read that the long isn't good for poor responders. So unless I get pregnant next cycle, it's on to IVF :( I'm excited about trying something new and am very thankful that it's an option for us, but I am pissed off that it has to come to this.

Shut up and take my money!

I saw a picture of baby twins wearing shirts that said buy one and get one free, so I added another picture to it to make it funny. I put it in a spoiler because seeing babies can sometimes be depressing. Sorry I didn't do it sooner.

picture:

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Last night DH went to the IVF information session. It lasted for about 2 hours and covered basically everything I knew already. They fed us sandwiches and tarts.  I have an appointment with a nurse next week to go over everything. At the end of May I'm going to see my doctor to talk about it. I think my body needs a break from all the medications I have been taking, so we probably won't start IVF for a couple of months. I got my chart the other day, but our original blood work and some of our sperm wash numbers were missing. I found it quite odd that on cycle day 3 they told me that my ultrasound looked great and I was good to continue my cycle, however, my chart says that I have a complicated cyst. I have also discovered that my TSH and prolactin is usually always too high every cycle, but yet no one has brought this up with me. I remember someone who had a short luteal phase with high prolactin, her doctor prescribed her something and shortly after that she got pregnant. Maybe they don't see it as a problem since sometimes it's normal? I hope that I'm worried about nothing and DH is the one who's the problem. If he's the problem, there's a better chance that IVF will work. After taking vitamins his concentration has improved, but his motility is under 50% and his morphology is under 4%. My doctor thinks he's the problem and IVF will work.

Cycle Day 13 Monitoring Update

My 23mm follicle is now at 25mm. My lining which was 7.2mm yesterday is now 6.9mm. Shouldn't it have got thicker? The doctor said it didn't shrink and that it was just a different measurement, but I always thought your lining should grow like your follicles do, 1-2mm a day. The nurse gave me forms to fill out so I can have my charts. She said it should be ready for me in about 5 days. My hope is that it will be ready on Tuesday when I go in next.

They gave me Ovidrel to take home and DH will inject me with it later tonight. DH is the best, he always gives me my injections. I could probably do it myself, but I feel safer when he does it for some reason, and I don't think he minds. I find it weird that I'm on cycle day 13 with a 25mm follicle and I'm not anywhere near surging. I wonder what would happen if I didn't take the Ovidrel, how big would that follicle get before my body ovulated on its own? I really hope that the clinic calls me today to tell me that I'm surging so I can save the Ovidrel. DH and I are going back to the clinic on Tuesday morning for an ovulation check. We'll be at the clinic twice and on Tuesday, once in the morning and at then for 3 hours at night lol.

I have a pet peeve when it comes to the fertility clinic, but when I vented on a forum about it I got some pretty nasty replies so this time I am going to vent about it on my blog. That's the good thing about blogging, you can say anything you want without people jumping down your throat. I was sitting down waiting to get my blood work done and all I hear is a little boy who is no more than 2 screaming, MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY while he was with his dad. This little boy was very loud and made it very obvious that he was there. It didn't bother me that he was loud or screaming for his mommy, it bothered me that he was there period! I have been going to this clinic for the last 1.5 years getting tortured on nearly a daily basis physically and emotionally so the last thing that I want to see at that place are babies. You would think that if you are going to a fertility clinic you would have some consideration for other patients by not bringing your baby with you. Some people will NEVER have the chance to have a baby, so wouldn't this woman think about this before she brought her baby with her? I know I could have looked at it as a success story, but if that woman was truly struggling with infertility she would have known better and left her baby at home. The father was with her, so why couldn't he have waited in the car? Why couldn't he have taken the kid to McDonald's or somewhere while waiting for the baby's mother? It is GORGEOUS outside, so why couldn't he have taken his very vocal less than 2 year old outside for a walk? Why on earth did these people bring their baby into the clinic knowing that there would be other couples there who are struggling? I wasn't the only one there who was upset, I could tell that a lot of other people were bothered by seeing this little boy run all over the place. Yeah, while the parents get to go home and be with their baby, I am now at home with the thought that I may never be a mother. Thanks a lot to the lady who ruined my day! DH was also very pissed. I don't think I have seen him so upset coming out of the fertility clinic. He told me that he subtly gave the the parents the finger lol. This is my biggest pet peeve when it comes to going to the clinic. Vent over. If whoever reads this feels differently than I do, I am sorry. Everyone handles infertility differently and I just happen to take it very hard. I'm extremely sensitive and things like this makes me sad. Blogging about situations like this is therapy for me.

Cycle Day 12 Monitoring Appointment and Random Stuff

We got up early to go to our home away from home, the fertility clinic. I had the usual poking and probing done. My dominant follicle was 23mm today, so it grew 2mm in 1 day which is normal. The doctor told me to get HCG today and then come back for my IUI, which is weird because I told them that I didn't want to do an IUI if I had less than 2 mature follicles. He asked me if I wanted to wait for one more day to see if my other little follicle catches up and I said sure, but I doubt it will be anywhere near mature since it was only 12mm. My body, however, sometimes does some crazy weird things so it is possible that the 12mm could grow but very unlikely. Regardless of what happens tomorrow, we will have the trigger shot. The only way that won't happen is if I surge on my own. I haven't been using my monitor or OPK's, but the clinic checks LH every day so they will call me when and if I surge. I may pee on a stick today anyway just for fun lol.

My lining today was 7.2mm which is normal, but still worries me that it's never in the double digits. I have read that birth control can thin your lining and since I was on it for 7 years, that could be what's causing it to be thinnish. I also wonder if it's thin because of my low ovarian reserve issues. A year ago when we did Gonal-F my lining went over 11mm, so I was sure that my last cycle on Gonal-F it would be the same, but it was only 6mm. A year ago while I was taking Gonal-F I was also taking baby aspirin and wondered if that had anything to do with my thick lining. Since my lining last cycle was thin and I wasn't taking baby aspirin, I'm thinking that maybe it was the baby aspirin that made my lining 11mm and not the Gonal-F. I started taking baby aspirin again about 5 days ago and I'm hoping that I will see a difference in my lining within the next few cycles. My original blood work with the fertility clinic showed that I have thick blood which may be why my lining is thin, and if that's the case, baby aspirin every day should fix that problem.

It really worries me that a year ago I responded well to Gonal-F, but now I don't. I'm hoping that every cycle is different, but I have a gut feeling that my body is what's different and I won't respond well to injections again. This is one of the concerns that I will bring up at the IVF information session on Tuesday. I also found out that this session is 3 hours long! What could they possibly talk about for 3 hours?

I called the clinic when I got home to see how I go about getting all of my lab results, and the nurse said that she would have a copy of my cycle monitoring history tomorrow when I go in. She also said that I could request my whole chart with the receptionist and that I could get it in about 5 days. I don't know why, but I'm a little obsessed when it comes to numbers. I want to go through all of my history at the fertility clinic to see if and how things have changed since I started going there 1.5 years ago. I'm also going to make a page on my blog with all of DH's and my test results so other women can compare if they want.

I'll be back tomorrow to give you another update.

Cycle Monitoring Update

It turns out that my little follicle didn't make it. I now only have one follicle that is 21mm. It grew 3mm in one day. I'm not sure if the Gonal-F that I took yesterday did that or if it would have happened anyway. Since I only have 1 follicle, we will not be having an IUI this cycle. The doctor of the day told me to come back tomorrow morning and if I don't surge we will trigger, but I'm not sure if I want the trigger. There's no point in having it really, unless the doctor is afraid that the follicle will get too big and turn into a cyst. Now that HCG is covered 80% it won't be so bad getting it. It will just be annoying because we have to pay up front and then mail the receipt to the insurance company. It took them about 2 weeks to give us our money back from the last Gonal-F cycle. I'm so happy that fertility drugs are now 80% covered. It will make IVF a lot cheaper especially since I'm a poor responder and will need more drugs than the average person.

I'm a little worried about IVF. There aren't many success stories out there from women who have low ovarian reserve. I'm afraid that once they retrieve eggs (if they do retrieve any), that they will all be crap. I guess only time will tell. I'm also afraid that I won't respond to the medicine properly. Medicine seems to make 1 follicle grow very fast instead of making them grow all together. I found out that there is no waiting list for IVF like I thought there would be. After our information session we have to make an appointment with the IVF co-ordinator and then it's just a matter of waiting for AF to show up to start the cycle. I have an appointment with my doctor on May 29, so I'm hoping we can start IVF in June or July. Actually I'm hoping we don't need it at all, but I don't think getting pregnant is going to happen naturally for us, unfortunately :(

High FSH on Day 3 and Cycle Monitoring Day 10 Update

I went to the clinic this morning for my usual checkup and got a bruise from the blood test that  matches my other 2 bruises from this cycle lol. They can never find a vein in my arm so they always take it from my hand. You should see all of the scars I have on my hands from all the blood tests I have had in the last 1.5 years at the fertility clinic.

For whatever reason the ultrasound technician was very rough with the ultrasound probe. It felt like she shoved it in me as hard as she could and was very rough when the probe was in. Usually all of the technicians are very gentle and take their time, but not this lady. She has always been kind of rough with the probe, but today she was worse.

After the ultrasound was over I saw the doctor of the day, Dr. Jizz. (his nickname). He said I have one mature follicle at 18 mm and 1 other follicle at 16mm. He told me to come back tomorrow and every day until I ovulate. I didn't ask for my lining but I'm sure it was crap. I'll make sure to ask what it is tomorrow. DH said that depending on what the 16mm follicle does tomorrow that we will have an IUI. If it grows and matures that's our plan.

I also asked what my FSH on CD3 was and to my disappointment it was a whopping 11.9, the highest it has ever been :( My clinic says that anything over 11 is high. I'm only 30 so this is definitely concerning me. My FSH is 11.9, my AMH is 1.2 (probably lower now), and my AFC ranges from 4-12. I have been noticing that my AFC is declining. It hasn't been higher than 9 since the fall which depresses me since this can't be good for IVF. I want to have another AMH test, but it costs $85 so we will probably wait until July because that will be a year since we had it last. I'm afraid of seeing a huge decline on that number because my AFC was higher when I had the AMH test last.

Why can't my body be normal? Will I ever have children? I have wanted a baby since I came off of birth control over 3 years ago. We have been doing everything we possibly can do to get pregnant and nothing is working. If I was a normal person I would probably be TTC # 3 right now. Lately I have been so sad and don't know how to get out of this depression.

I'll blog again tomorrow to give you an update on my cycle. Fingers crossed my 16mm follicle grows and we do an IUI this cycle. I feel like our chances are better with an IUI than timed intercourse.