Fertility Clinic Vent (very long)

A lot has happened since I stopped blogging.  I got excited that we were doing IVF but at the same time I was worried about it. I didn't think that my doctor had my best interest in mind when he put me on a bad protocol and insisted that there weren't any others that we could try. I knew from the start that the cycle would get cancelled, but I went along with my doctors plan anyway to prove to him that it wouldn't work in hopes that he would try a different protocol for our next try. I hate saying this, but I was right and my doctor was wrong. Our IVF cycle went horribly wrong. I did not respond to the medicine properly. Instead of creating a lot of follicles, the meds caused one to grow out of control. After 3 days of stims and on cycle day 6 I had 1 follicle that was 18mm. The nurse went in her pocket and took out a folded piece of lined paper where they kept notes with a pen and showed me that I had 5 smaller follicles. I wanted to cancel the cycle but our doctor told us to wait an extra day so the other follicles would catch up. Stupidly taking his advice, DH and I bought the expensive remaining drugs and went to the fertility clinic the next day just to find out that there was no change. We cancelled the cycle and saw our doctor again. He told us that we should try again but with a higher dose of medications. I knew that wasn't going to work so I said no and told him the protocol I wanted to try but of course he refused to go with my way. I know my body and how it responds to meds. I did a lot of research and found another protocol, but my doctor told me that the internet was crap and I shouldn't listen to anything I read on the internet. I then asked him what would happen if my IVF cycles didn't work and he suggested donor eggs. I was so annoyed with his lack of options and that he wasn't open to my suggestions so I asked if he could refer me to another doctor who might have an idea. I don't think he liked that very much because that's when things started to get BAD for me. The next day when I had my IUI done by him he was very rude and physically hurt me. I would like to think that he didn't hurt me intentionally, but I am pretty sure that it was. I am in tears writing this because I feel so violated. When he inserted the catheter into me I screamed at the top of my lungs in agony. The doctor smiled and said that he accidentally used the big catheter and it was okay because I liked them big anyway. I really want to complain to someone but am afraid to.

The clinic said right from the beginning that if our cycle was cancelled we could get all of our money back minus the IUI and a $300 administrative fee for the cycle. After my horrid IUI I wanted to leave that place and never turn back so DH and I went to the reception and asked to get our IVF money back, but of course that didn't go over well. They didn't refund us what they owed us. They only gave us the cost of the IVF back, but never gave us the $1000 for ICSI. They also charged a $300 administrative fee for 2 cycles. The reception argued with us about it and then out of the blue turned to me and said that if I don't want any problems and ever wanted treatment done again that I would need to have a meeting with the medical director, who by the way was away because he was having back surgery. DH told them that he would just tell the CC company that services weren't rendered.


Because I was never going back to that awful clinic, I asked for my chart to be emailed to me. When I received it I couldn't believe what I saw. The fertility clinic lied on my records. They lied about the drugs I was had been on and the doses. My records say that I wasn't taking any medications when I was. I assume they made fake records because they were given me way too much medication that could have seriously hurt me. I was on Femara almost every cycle taking 5 - 12.5 mg at once. The lined piece of paper that the nurse showed me during my IVF cycle wasn't the same as the actual IVF record that they emailed me. My actual records said that I only had 3 follicles and not 6 like the lined paper had. This record also said that I was taking no medication when I was on a whole bunch of things.

At the end of my IVF cycle I started to feel really weird. I was in a lot of pain and felt like something was leaking inside of my legs, ovaries and uterus. Before I asked for a second opinion and everything was okay at the clinic, the IVF nurse said that she would be there for at any time of my cycle and if I needed anything at all to call or email  her, yet when I was concerned and needed her I couldn't get a hold of her, or anyone at the clinic for that matter. I still don't know what was wrong with me, but as soon as my period started I passed a clot the size of the toilet and felt a lot better. This was months ago and the clinic never did follow up with me. You think they would want to make sure I was okay after  giving me all of those IVF medications, oh yeah but that's not on their records so I guess they don't care.

DH and I have realized that we were being screwed by this clinic big time! All they cared about was money. They strung us along knowing that nothing they were doing would work and nickeled and dimed us. When I went there for the first time they led me to believe that I couldn't buy fertility medication at a normal pharmacy and said that if we were to buy our medication elsewhere we would have to pay them $75 per cycle. That must have pissed people off because they stopped that.

I cannot believe I wasted 2 years with those crooks. I have more stories about them that would make anyone cringe but this is getting long so I'll get to those later.

In my next post I will write about our new plans.

To Be Continued...

I have to stop blog writing for now, however, I will be back after IVF to share my experience.

IVF with ICSI Short Protocol.

Yesterday it was confirmed that we will be moving on to IVF next cycle.  I went to the fertility clinic yesterday for my routine blood test and ultrasound. I also had a sonohysterogram and saw my RE. My SHG came back normal which was a relief. After the sono was over I saw my RE to discuss a protocol.  We decided on the short protocol. On CD1 I have to call the clinic to make an appointment for a baseline ultrasound, and if everything is good then  they will stock me up with all kinds of fun drugs.

Here's what I will be taking:

• Puregon (250 iu)
• Menopur (150 iu)
• Cetrotide (once a lead follicle reaches 14mm)
• HCG (36 hours before retrieval)
• Progesterone suppositories (600mg/day after ovulation for hopefully 12 weeks ;) 

Because of DH's semen analysis and post wash history, our RE recommended ICSI (Intra cytoplasmic sperm injection). Instead of putting my eggs and DH's sperm in a petri dish to see if they fertilize on their own, they are going to inject the sperm into my eggs. My doctor said that he thinks I will get about 6 embryos which would make me very happy!

With my history, I keep thinking that I won't respond to medications and the cycle will be cancelled, however I'm confident that won't happen because I will be taking a whole new set of drugs that I have never had before. I'm on cycle day 11 right now and can't wait to get this started, although I would rather see 2 pink lines this cycle instead.

Insomnia due to infertility depression

It's 5am here and I can't sleep. Everyone keeps telling me I have nothing to be depressed about because it's no big deal that I can't get pregnant. They tell me that I'm overreacting and can't expect everything I want in life. According to everyone around me, without the exception of DH, I have no right to be depressed about this. Apparently, I'm nuts because I get sad seeing pregnant women. Does anyone know how I can feel the way everyone thinks I should feel? I don't know how to feel like a normal person who is in my situation struggling with infertility. When I told someone who I really care about and needed their support that I was going through IVF, all they had to say was oh yeah? Another person who I thought would be supportive told me that at least I won't have to go through anything during IVF. Um, that's not what the doctor said lol. When I told this person that it was invasive, she told me that I would get through it and it couldn't be that bad. Not even a good luck, or I hope it works, nothing but negativity. I have gotten no encouragement from anyone I know in real life. Everyone who I know that is pregnant is getting tons of support from the same people who could care less about my severe depression due to infertility.

I really wish I could feel the way I'm supposed to feel at a time like this, happy and not caring because IVF is no big deal according to the people I told. I have been trying so hard, but I can't feel the way everyone says I should feel. I'm such a big baby and hate it. I want to be a stronger person.

I haven't told anyone when we will be doing IVF, and I don't plan to either because it's obvious they don't care. From now on my struggle with getting pregnant will be kept to myself and my online friends. I'm sick of being told to stop talking about it when I do.

Sorry for being such a drama queen, but I needed to vent.

DH and I saw the IVF nurse today and hope to start after my next cycle

I didn't think that I needed to see my doctor before I saw an IVF nurse, so I made an appointment with her first...oops. That's okay though because she said she would see me again on the day that I see my doctor. I'm seeing the doctor to come up with a protocol that will be suited for me. I was happy to hear that because I didn't think I would be getting anything else besides 200 units of Gonal-F. The nurse said that because of my history as a poor responder I will most likely be on a combination of drugs. She said their goal is to turn you into a cat by making you produce lots of eggs at once instead of just one. On May 29 we will see our RE to come up with a protocol and then see the nurse after the appointment to go over the timeline and learn how to prepare and administer drugs. I know how to use a gonal-f pen and ovidrel comes prepared, but I have no clue how to prepare the other drugs that I will be on.

Today the nurse went over all of the consent forms that we need to sign and all of the fees. The actual IVF is $5800. ICSI will be $1000. If we are lucky enough to have extra embryos to freeze, that will cost $875 for freezing with a year of storage and $200 per year after that. If we want to use our leftover embryos (if we have any), it will cost $1000 for thawing and transferring. Our provincial insurance won't cover ultrasounds or blood work for an IVF cycle which is stupid, so that will cost $300 for the cycle. All together not including drugs IVF will cost $7975.

My last sonohystergram was in 2011, so the nurse said that I will need another one before I can do IVF. I'm going to have one this cycle that's coming up. After we see the doctor and nurse on May 29th we will start IVF as soon as they let us which will probably be in June. I'm not sure if I will be on the long protocol or the short protocol, but my guess is the short since I have read that the long isn't good for poor responders. So unless I get pregnant next cycle, it's on to IVF :( I'm excited about trying something new and am very thankful that it's an option for us, but I am pissed off that it has to come to this.

Shut up and take my money!

I saw a picture of baby twins wearing shirts that said buy one and get one free, so I added another picture to it to make it funny. I put it in a spoiler because seeing babies can sometimes be depressing. Sorry I didn't do it sooner.

picture:

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Last night DH went to the IVF information session. It lasted for about 2 hours and covered basically everything I knew already. They fed us sandwiches and tarts.  I have an appointment with a nurse next week to go over everything. At the end of May I'm going to see my doctor to talk about it. I think my body needs a break from all the medications I have been taking, so we probably won't start IVF for a couple of months. I got my chart the other day, but our original blood work and some of our sperm wash numbers were missing. I found it quite odd that on cycle day 3 they told me that my ultrasound looked great and I was good to continue my cycle, however, my chart says that I have a complicated cyst. I have also discovered that my TSH and prolactin is usually always too high every cycle, but yet no one has brought this up with me. I remember someone who had a short luteal phase with high prolactin, her doctor prescribed her something and shortly after that she got pregnant. Maybe they don't see it as a problem since sometimes it's normal? I hope that I'm worried about nothing and DH is the one who's the problem. If he's the problem, there's a better chance that IVF will work. After taking vitamins his concentration has improved, but his motility is under 50% and his morphology is under 4%. My doctor thinks he's the problem and IVF will work.