It's 5am here and I can't sleep. Everyone keeps telling me I have nothing to be depressed about because it's no big deal that I can't get pregnant. They tell me that I'm overreacting and can't expect everything I want in life. According to everyone around me, without the exception of DH, I have no right to be depressed about this. Apparently, I'm nuts because I get sad seeing pregnant women. Does anyone know how I can feel the way everyone thinks I should feel? I don't know how to feel like a normal person who is in my situation struggling with infertility. When I told someone who I really care about and needed their support that I was going through IVF, all they had to say was oh yeah? Another person who I thought would be supportive told me that at least I won't have to go through anything during IVF. Um, that's not what the doctor said lol. When I told this person that it was invasive, she told me that I would get through it and it couldn't be that bad. Not even a good luck, or I hope it works, nothing but negativity. I have gotten no encouragement from anyone I know in real life. Everyone who I know that is pregnant is getting tons of support from the same people who could care less about my severe depression due to infertility.
I really wish I could feel the way I'm supposed to feel at a time like this, happy and not caring because IVF is no big deal according to the people I told. I have been trying so hard, but I can't feel the way everyone says I should feel. I'm such a big baby and hate it. I want to be a stronger person.
I haven't told anyone when we will be doing IVF, and I don't plan to either because it's obvious they don't care. From now on my struggle with getting pregnant will be kept to myself and my online friends. I'm sick of being told to stop talking about it when I do.
Sorry for being such a drama queen, but I needed to vent.
Oh sweetie, you feel exactly the way you are supposed to feel. You are NOT being a drama queen. Infertility is HARD. It sucks the energy out of you, drains your hope, and then makes you feel abnormal because you feel that way. I realize that it may be hard for people who have never struggled with IF to completely get it, but the people around you that don't even seem to try to empathize with you just down right suck. Your feelings are very valid, normal, and deserve to be recognized. You have every right to shout your feelings and what you are going through from the rooftops if you want, and no one has the right to tell you to stop talking about it just because they've been lucky enough to never experience it. I'm so sorry you are going through this and have such crappy real life support. If it helps, you've got tons of internet friends cheering you on every step of the way.
ReplyDeletethank you for your support :) Reading this has made me feel a lot better. I'm never sure if feeling the way I do is normal or not and it makes me question my sanity. I am lucky to have such amazing internet supporters. My husband seems to be the only one who understands, and is very supportive. I don't know what I would do without him.
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