Cycle Day 3 Monitoring Appointment

Today I had to get up earlier than usual because I had my day 3 cycle monitoring. Every 6 months they make you do a full bladder ultrasound, so I had to drink a litre of water within an hour, and boy did I ever have to pee lol. Like usual, the very first thing I do is get my blood taken. I also had an AMH blood test as well as the regular day 3 tests. They only call me to tell me my results if there is something wrong, otherwise, I have to wait until cycle day 10 to find out my blood results. I guess I could call them and ask, but I don't like calling them. My AMH test won't be back for another 2-3 weeks :( My ultrasound was fine. I had no cysts. I was expecting my AFC to be very low, but it wasn't too bad. I had 8 follicles on the right and 4 follicles on the left. I have never had more than 6 follicles on one side, so I was happy about that.  I'm taking 7.5 mg of Femara this month with timed intercourse. Hopefully, it works. I'm getting sick and tired of not getting pregnant.

My Fertility Specialist Appointment

Yesterday we finally went to see our fertility specialist, Dr. Ewok. It feels so great to be back there again because I felt like I was accomplishing nothing by only having sex during ovulation. Not only that, but I feel the need to know everything there is to know about my body. We paid for a full year of cycle monitoring, so I'm glad to be continuing it again. I must know what my numbers are. I'm very weird. 

I have a kind of funny story. At my clinic there are at least 8 doctors who work there, so when you go in for monitoring the doctor of the day goes over the results with you. About 8 months I asked the doctor of the day if the clinic tested AMH, and he said no because there's not enough research to prove that it means anything. I was sad about this because I am super worried about my egg quality. I am only 29 and my FSH is 10 and my lowest AFC was a 6. Dr. Ewok (my own doctor) has told me that those numbers are just fine and I have nothing to worry about, but it does worry me because I read different things online that scare the crap out of me. Anyways, yesterday I told him again about how worried I was, and I asked him if there was any possibility that I could have an AMH test done. His response was, "sure, of course I will order that test for you." WHAT????? You mean to tell me that for 8 months I was under the impression that the clinic doesn't test AMH, so I never asked my own doctor? I could have had this test done, and maybe I wouldn't be so worried like I am now because just maybe they will come back normal. I don't like that the different doctors there have different opinions. One of them told me that I didn't need progesterone, and a luteal phase of 9 days is just fine. My doctor tested my progesterone and it came back at a 2. I'm so happy that I have the doctor that I do because any other doctor might not have cared that much, and not do anything to help me.  I am so excited to be finally having this AMH test. It isn't covered, so it will cost $85 :(, but I don't care because I want some reassurance. I'm going to get the test this Thursday along with all of my other blood tests.

I have seen that a lot of women with short luteal phases have high prolactin. I asked Dr. Ewok if he has ever checked my prolactin numbers. I think he said he checked it 3 times. It was 44, 30, and 22. It should be under 30. He said that it fluctuates, and because it was only high once he wasn't that concerned. I'm going to make sure they keep an eye on it because if it continues to stay high I want medication. It have seen 2 ladies take a prolactin medicine and then get pregnant 2 months later. It really does suck that all of my numbers are always borderline, so doctors just wave them off as nothing. I also asked him about my high platelets, and he said that it was high, so he's testing it again. I have started taking baby aspirin again, so I'm not sure if I should stop until he does the test or not. When I asked him about my high testosterone he said that it's usually high at the begininning of your cycle, but then gets lower as your cycle goes on. Maybe he was saying that mine is high at first, but gets normal? I don't know, but I have read that high testosterone causes your eggs to be bad. 

Dr. Ewok said that DH's sperm counts needed to be higher. He ordered him a special SA, it's called a DNA fragmentation. I don't know much about the test because I haven't looked it up yet, but all he has to do is produce a sample on September 10. I have some great news though, DH has quit smoking. He has been smoke free for 13 days now, and I am very proud of him. I'm sure this will help his numbers. He has also been taking Zinc every day. We are also going to do another SA soon.

This cycle I will be doing cycle monitoring, 7.5 mg of Femara, and 400 mg of Progesterone after ovulation. Dr. Ewok told us to make another appointment in a month to discuss what we will do next cycle. Hopefully, my next cycle will be in 10 months! 

Blogging really helps me because I can get things off of my chest, so I think I will do it more often. I have been so depressed lately that I need to do something about it. 

My Positive HSG Experience. It felt like a period cramp.

Well, I haven't been posting for a long time, but that's because I have been too depressed. I don't want to do anything.

I was terrified of the HSG test because I had read stories on the internet that freaked me out. A lot of people have had horrible experiences, so I thought for sure I would have one too. Fortunately for me, the test was easy. The worst part was the anticipation. For the actual procedure the worst part was when they put the metal thing in and it feels like they are turning it inside of you. That particular part felt like a pap smear, and I HATE pap smears. They are painless, but so uncomfortable. As soon as the doctor put the dye inside of me I felt severe period cramps that only lasted for 1 second. As soon as the test was over the cramps were gone. Let's put it this way, I have had worse period cramps than that test. The dye part felt exactly like a period coming and ending immediately. I guess the only thing that made it different was the pressure. I don't get that pressure with periods.

The good news, besides the fact that the test was a piece of cake, is that my tubes are open. Radiology is reviewing the results to get a better look and I have an appointment with my RE on August 28 to go over the results with him and to see what he thinks we should do next. I'm assuming IVF, but we will see. I would like to do at least two more IUI's before we head down that route. I hope he's okay with it.

Oh no, I'm in pain :(

I have a feeling that thanks to Gonal-F I cysts. With Serophine (Clomid) I got cysts. I have read online that cysts are very common with Gonal-F, so I'm sure I have some. I don't remember ever being in this much pain with them before, so now I'm worried. I'll find out on my cycle day 3 ultrasound what's going on. If the pain gets worse I will call the nurse. 

Cycle Monitoring Update

I went in this morning for my CD12 ultrasound, and I was actually surprised. My 3 little follicles from yesterday grew into mature ones. I also have 2 little ones. The 3 mature ones grew 3 mm in one day. Today they were 19, 17, 16. The two smaller ones were 13 and 12. Even though I'm happy about my 3 mature follicles, I am still wondering if I didn't respond as well as I should have to the Gonal-F. When I told my doctor I didn't think the Gonal-F was working he asked me if I wanted dynamite lol. He also asked me what I thought about having twins. I never thought I would hear him say the word twins.  All I want is one healthy baby. I will be going in tomorrow to check on my follicles again. My RE said that I should be ready to trigger tomorrow, and then have my IUI's on Monday and Tuesday. I hope all 3 mature follicles will still be there. I hopefully took my last shot of Gonal-F tonight. I'm sick of needles in my stomach. My husband gives them to me every night. He's the best!

Scared and Confused :( Gonal-F

I think that I will start to blog more often. I like to get things off of my mind, and writing is very therapeutic. Trying to have a baby has become very depressing and hard for me. I am SHOCKED that I haven't gotten pregnant yet. I thought for sure that it would have happened by now. Almost everyone I know in real life seems to have no problems conceiving. Over a year ago at my wedding there were 4 women who after we got married got pregnant and now all babies. Why couldn't that be us? I was convinced that I would be pregnant before our wedding in March 2011, but boy was I wrong. When my period returned to normal after I came off of birth control, I thought bam I would be pregnant just like that. Just like a family friend I know. The month she came off of birth control she got pregnant, but I have been off of birth control for over 2 years now, so why hasn't it happened yet? Oh, this is also the same person who threw her pregnancy in my face. She knew we were trying, but would do and say mean things to me. That's a whole other story. People in the world can be cruel.

Why am I scared? I am afraid that I will never be a mother and my husband will never be a father and that we will never have a family :( Is asking for a child too much to ask for? I mean I already have so much in my life right now that I thought I would never have. I never thought in a million years I would meet a man who I would love so much and marry. There are a lot of women out there who are single and would die for the love that my husband and I have for each other. I'm afraid that my body is wrecked and I will never be able to get pregnant. I don't respond well to fertility medications, so I am afraid that we will need IVF and the drugs they will give me won't give me enough eggs for it to work. The thought of never having children scares the hell out of me. It's a weird feeling because 5 years ago I didn't think I would ever have kids. I didn't think I would marry my husband and I never thought I would financially be able afford children.

Why am I confused? GONAL-F IS WHY!!!! I am not producing as many follicles as I thought I would be. I see women on low doses of Clomid produce more follicles than I am while I'm taking Gonal-F which I thought was supposed to be a better medication. It sure as hell costs way more. $1297 for Gonal-F so far this cycle!!!! And, who knows if we will have to buy more.  I am on cycle day 11 today and only have 3 small follicles measuring 16, 14, 13 mm. I was expecting to see way more at this point, and I was also expecting to see bigger ones. The doctor today at Isis (my fertility clinic) didn't seem to be concerned. He did say that they were growing slowly, but he said that everyone is different and that's just how my body is. He said it is like how some people are short and some people are tall, blah blah blah. I have to point out that he's not my regular RE, but he's the doctor of the day. At our clinic they have a bunch of doctors who take turns everyday seeing patients, but everyone is assigned to one doctor. When I have my IUI's and am monitored I see the doctor of the day. This is the only thing that I don't like about my clinic because it seems like the only doctor who knows anything about me is mine. The other doctors only look at what was done that day and not your whole history. It also seems like every doctor has a different opinion about things. For an example, one doctor told me that I don't need progesterone, but my own doctor said that I do. One doctor said that he likes to see FSH under 14, but another one said they like to see it under 11. I consider myself to be very lucky that I have the doctor that I have. If I had someone else, there's no way they would do the things that Dr. Ewok does for me like check progesterone levels and stuff. Back to Gonal-F. I don't understand why I'm not making that many follicles. I will be lucky and excited if I have 2 at the time of trigger which is sad because I thought that I would have had a lot more. I see women online get like 4-6 with smaller doses of Gonal-F than I am on. I have seen a few women get 9 mature follicles. Where are their follicles coming from, and why don't I have as many as them? I know I shouldn't compare myself with others, but it's very hard not to when I seem to be abnormal compared to everyone. My hope is that all 3 of the follicles I have will grow and mature for the trigger shot. I could have sworn when the doctor was showing me my follicle sizes that there were a few at 11mm, but he said I had 3. The goal is to get all three of these suckers to mature. I just feel like I have a better shot at getting pregnant with more follicles. More targets for DH's little swimmers to get to. When I saw my RE earlier this week he said he would be working all weekend, so that's very exciting for me. I'm looking forward to seeing Dr. Ewok tomorrow to see what he thinks of these little tiny follicles and to ask him why they aren't growing as fast as they did while I was on Clomid.

WOW, that was long and all over the place, but writing really helps with TTC insanity.

Oh, and if anyone is wondering why my font is so huge, it's because my vision is horrible and I like the font big lol.

My First IUI Failed :(

I don't know why, but half way through my luteal phase I had a very strong feeling that my very first ever IUI didn't work. Sure enough, I was right! AF came 2 days ago. I don't understand why it didn't work. I have been trying to figure out why every day. I can't get it out of my head. I keep obsessing. I just don't understand why a perfectly timed IUI didn't work. DH said we just weren't lucky this time. I hope he's right and we get lucky soon. 


Last month I was on 5mg of Femara for 5 days. I had an HCG trigger shot and of course progesterone suppositories. This month I will be starting Gonal-F injections for the very first time. I am quite nervous about the injections. Not because of the needle, but because of the side effects. Clomid gave me cysts, and I am afraid that Gonal-F will give me even more cysts. I have read of women having kidney failure from this stuff. Being the hypochondriac that I am, that scares the living hell out of me. The doctor prescribed me a 900IU pen that we will pick up tomorrow. We didn't pick it up today because they wanted to make sure my blood work came back normal from today. 


I had a cycle day 2 baseline ultrasound today. For the first time in a long time I have no cysts. I guess the Clomid is completely out of my body. My AFC last cycle was so low which had me very worried. It was only 6 between both ovaries. The doctor didn't seem concerned about it, but I was. Anyway, I was happy that this cycle it was 12. That's the highest AFC I have ever had. Hopefully, the Gonal-F will mature some of them. I would love to see more than one mature follicle for once. I would feel like there was a better chance if I had more than one mature follicle. Clomid or Femara didn't work, so hopefully this stuff will. The clinic never called me back today, so I will have to wait until Monday to find out what my E2 and FSH was today.


I am hoping that this cycle is the one and we get our BFP and a healthy baby! I need to keep writing because I'm going insane and need to do something about it. Journaling is therapeutic.