Scary Tests and Semen Analysis

It's Friday today which means that I have to go in for the scariest test I have ever had on Monday at 1pm. It's a saline sonohysterogram. They will stick a long probe up my vagina and insert saline into my uterus. I'm FREAKING out. I have never had a test as scary as this before. It's even causing me to have nightmares something that I never get. I have read so many horror stories online that I'm seriously considering cancelling the appointment. The only thing is, if I cancel the appointment, the fertility specialist won't help me because of the stupid protocol, so I have no other choice.


He also mentioned something about a laparoscopy. I really don't want to be put under and cut open. This whole baby making process  scares the crap out of me. Why couldn't we just conceive naturally like everyone else I know. I'm very scared and I feel all alone. I have no one to talk to and no one who understands. I'm so desperate for someone, anyone to talk to about this whole situation but I have no one. I even went as far as going to trying to conceive forums, but no one ever gives me the time of the day.


I'm so sad that this is all happening. My husbands semen analysis came back and it isn't good. Everything is low. It's all borderline low, but it's still low. His sperm count was 18 million, but his motile count was only 8 million and the normal is 20 million. I have seen women say their men had 200 million, so this is a bit scary. My husband has stopped smoking as of yesterday and he's doing such a great job. I'm very proud of him even if he is extra cranky. He also switched from boiling hot baths to showers. He's taking zinc every day too so hopefully his numbers will go up. He's going back on Monday to get tested.