I got my IVF protocol the other day and wow am I ever going to be on a lot of drugs. I felt like a heroin addict yesterday after going to the fertility clinic to pick up 2 huge bags of syringes. I keep wondering if I would have ever gotten pregnant if the doctors here gave me some of the drugs that I will be taking next cycle. But because I don't respond to FSH I probably wouldn't have.
On day 21 of this cycle (next Sunday) I will be starting 10 units of lupron every morning. Once my period comes I will reduce the lupron to 5 units a day and add estrogen patches. I will start off with one estrogen patch then increase it to four estrogen patches a day. I have sensitive skin so I am hoping the patches don't make me react. On cycle day 10 of estrogen, otherwise known as DOC10, I will go in for an ultrasound to see if my lining is thick enough to set an egg thaw date. On cycle day 15 of estrogen I will begin taking 25mg of progesterone IM, Doxycycline, and Medrol. This will also be the day when DH and I go to the US. On cycle day 16 DH will give a sample and the clinic will thaw a batch of eggs for us. On cycle day 17 I will stop taking Lupron, but continue to take estrogen and progesterone. Depending on how the embryos grow, my transfer will be on cycle day 19 or cycle day 21. The clinic said they aim for a day 5 transfer. After the transfer we will fly home and wait to POAS. If I get a positive pregnancy test I have to stay on the progesterone and estrogen until the 12th week of pregnancy. I have been told that progesterone shots hurt like hell and are quite nasty, but I usually don't mind needles so I am hoping that this won't be any different.
If anyone is reading this, please pray for us. The thought of never having a child depresses me. I must admit that as time has gone by I have been getting less and less depressed. I have my moments, but not as many as I used to. If all goes as planned we will be in the US at the beginning of November.
Saturday 5 October 2013
Friday 4 October 2013
Choosing our donor
Not that long ago we got access to an egg donor database. The database was huge and felt a bit overwhelming at first but when we narrowed it down the choice was easy. After carefully looking through all the donors we narrowed it down to four. Out of those four it was quite easy to cut two out of the equation based on their health records. One had multiple miscarriages and had relatives who also had several miscarriages. I was told that this doesn't mean I would miscarry, but if I were to have a baby girl she would be at risk for miscarriages. We dropped her from our list, as I don't want to risk it. The next donor has a child with heart conditions and has had relatives die young from heart diseases and cancer. That left us with two potential donors. One of the donors didn't have as much information as the others. When I asked the nurse about that she said it was because her profile was old. We decided not to go with her for that and because DH liked the other donor more.
That left us with one. Out of all the donors DH thought that she was the cutest as a child and liked her the most from the start. She doesn't look anything like me, but she does have a lot of DH's features and has my body structure and is the same height. I liked her answers on the questionnaire she filled out. All of her genetic testing came back normal and she has no major health problems in her family. She has grandparents that are alive and in their 80's which is a plus. She is college educated, seems very ambitious and has good future goals.
There were so many questions that she answered. One of the questions was, "if you could write a message to the child born through the participation of donating your eggs once he/she turns 18, what would it be?" For obvious reasons I am not going reveal her answer, but it was really nice and left me in tears. If this does work and we do have a child, we plan on telling them that they were conceived with donor eggs. I saved and printed the questionnaire and all of the donor's photos that we were given.
I am very happy with our decision and can't wait to for the embryo transfer next month. I'm feeling very optimistic which could be a bad thing. I had my hopes up so many times for so many years just to be let down and I don't want that to happen again so I am trying not to be that excited.
Wednesday 2 October 2013
IVF with donor eggs it is.
It has been confirmed that I will be having IVF with donor eggs. After giving it much thought, DH and I decided that this was the best thing to do for several reasons. My body does not produce enough eggs even on high doses of FSH. I attempted IVF and didn't even make it to the retrieval. I knew that if I kept trying IVF with my own eggs at that crappy clinic we would never have a baby. Fertility medication is very expensive and every IVF cycle that we attempt would have costed too much. There's a $300 administrative fee per cycle (completed or not), and then there's the cost of an IUI if the cycle gets cancelled. I don't want to take the risk of attempting IVF with my own eggs just to have the cycle cancelled or fail.
Anyway, when the old clinic first suggested donor eggs I knew they wanted to scam us into buying eggs from a donor agency that they use in the US. Their price for 1 cycle is $24,000 but if you use the agency they use, the price for 1 cycle is $16,000 or $30,000 for 5 cycles. AND if you don't get pregnant after the 5 cycles you get half your money back. Why use a middleman when you can go right to the source for a better deal? I could have probably put an ad on Kijiji or something lol, but I think going through an agency is the safest thing to do.
We have chosen a donor and will have the transfer sometime in November if all goes according to plan.
Anyway, when the old clinic first suggested donor eggs I knew they wanted to scam us into buying eggs from a donor agency that they use in the US. Their price for 1 cycle is $24,000 but if you use the agency they use, the price for 1 cycle is $16,000 or $30,000 for 5 cycles. AND if you don't get pregnant after the 5 cycles you get half your money back. Why use a middleman when you can go right to the source for a better deal? I could have probably put an ad on Kijiji or something lol, but I think going through an agency is the safest thing to do.
We have chosen a donor and will have the transfer sometime in November if all goes according to plan.
Wednesday 25 September 2013
Fertility Clinic Vent (very long)
A lot has happened since I stopped blogging. I got excited that we were doing IVF but at the same time I was worried about it. I didn't think that my doctor had my best interest in mind when he put me on a bad protocol and insisted that there weren't any others that we could try. I knew from the start that the cycle would get cancelled, but I went along with my doctors plan anyway to prove to him that it wouldn't work in hopes that he would try a different protocol for our next try. I hate saying this, but I was right and my doctor was wrong. Our IVF cycle went horribly wrong. I did not respond to the medicine properly. Instead of creating a lot of follicles, the meds caused one to grow out of control. After 3 days of stims and on cycle day 6 I had 1 follicle that was 18mm. The nurse went in her pocket and took out a folded piece of lined paper where they kept notes with a pen and showed me that I had 5 smaller follicles. I wanted to cancel the cycle but our doctor told us to wait an extra day so the other follicles would catch up. Stupidly taking his advice, DH and I bought the expensive remaining drugs and went to the fertility clinic the next day just to find out that there was no change. We cancelled the cycle and saw our doctor again. He told us that we should try again but with a higher dose of medications. I knew that wasn't going to work so I said no and told him the protocol I wanted to try but of course he refused to go with my way. I know my body and how it responds to meds. I did a lot of research and found another protocol, but my doctor told me that the internet was crap and I shouldn't listen to anything I read on the internet. I then asked him what would happen if my IVF cycles didn't work and he suggested donor eggs. I was so annoyed with his lack of options and that he wasn't open to my suggestions so I asked if he could refer me to another doctor who might have an idea. I don't think he liked that very much because that's when things started to get BAD for me. The next day when I had my IUI done by him he was very rude and physically hurt me. I would like to think that he didn't hurt me intentionally, but I am pretty sure that it was. I am in tears writing this because I feel so violated. When he inserted the catheter into me I screamed at the top of my lungs in agony. The doctor smiled and said that he accidentally used the big catheter and it was okay because I liked them big anyway. I really want to complain to someone but am afraid to.
The clinic said right from the beginning that if our cycle was cancelled we could get all of our money back minus the IUI and a $300 administrative fee for the cycle. After my horrid IUI I wanted to leave that place and never turn back so DH and I went to the reception and asked to get our IVF money back, but of course that didn't go over well. They didn't refund us what they owed us. They only gave us the cost of the IVF back, but never gave us the $1000 for ICSI. They also charged a $300 administrative fee for 2 cycles. The reception argued with us about it and then out of the blue turned to me and said that if I don't want any problems and ever wanted treatment done again that I would need to have a meeting with the medical director, who by the way was away because he was having back surgery. DH told them that he would just tell the CC company that services weren't rendered.
Because I was never going back to that awful clinic, I asked for my chart to be emailed to me. When I received it I couldn't believe what I saw. The fertility clinic lied on my records. They lied about the drugs I was had been on and the doses. My records say that I wasn't taking any medications when I was. I assume they made fake records because they were given me way too much medication that could have seriously hurt me. I was on Femara almost every cycle taking 5 - 12.5 mg at once. The lined piece of paper that the nurse showed me during my IVF cycle wasn't the same as the actual IVF record that they emailed me. My actual records said that I only had 3 follicles and not 6 like the lined paper had. This record also said that I was taking no medication when I was on a whole bunch of things.
At the end of my IVF cycle I started to feel really weird. I was in a lot of pain and felt like something was leaking inside of my legs, ovaries and uterus. Before I asked for a second opinion and everything was okay at the clinic, the IVF nurse said that she would be there for at any time of my cycle and if I needed anything at all to call or email her, yet when I was concerned and needed her I couldn't get a hold of her, or anyone at the clinic for that matter. I still don't know what was wrong with me, but as soon as my period started I passed a clot the size of the toilet and felt a lot better. This was months ago and the clinic never did follow up with me. You think they would want to make sure I was okay after giving me all of those IVF medications, oh yeah but that's not on their records so I guess they don't care.
DH and I have realized that we were being screwed by this clinic big time! All they cared about was money. They strung us along knowing that nothing they were doing would work and nickeled and dimed us. When I went there for the first time they led me to believe that I couldn't buy fertility medication at a normal pharmacy and said that if we were to buy our medication elsewhere we would have to pay them $75 per cycle. That must have pissed people off because they stopped that.
I cannot believe I wasted 2 years with those crooks. I have more stories about them that would make anyone cringe but this is getting long so I'll get to those later.
In my next post I will write about our new plans.
The clinic said right from the beginning that if our cycle was cancelled we could get all of our money back minus the IUI and a $300 administrative fee for the cycle. After my horrid IUI I wanted to leave that place and never turn back so DH and I went to the reception and asked to get our IVF money back, but of course that didn't go over well. They didn't refund us what they owed us. They only gave us the cost of the IVF back, but never gave us the $1000 for ICSI. They also charged a $300 administrative fee for 2 cycles. The reception argued with us about it and then out of the blue turned to me and said that if I don't want any problems and ever wanted treatment done again that I would need to have a meeting with the medical director, who by the way was away because he was having back surgery. DH told them that he would just tell the CC company that services weren't rendered.
Because I was never going back to that awful clinic, I asked for my chart to be emailed to me. When I received it I couldn't believe what I saw. The fertility clinic lied on my records. They lied about the drugs I was had been on and the doses. My records say that I wasn't taking any medications when I was. I assume they made fake records because they were given me way too much medication that could have seriously hurt me. I was on Femara almost every cycle taking 5 - 12.5 mg at once. The lined piece of paper that the nurse showed me during my IVF cycle wasn't the same as the actual IVF record that they emailed me. My actual records said that I only had 3 follicles and not 6 like the lined paper had. This record also said that I was taking no medication when I was on a whole bunch of things.
At the end of my IVF cycle I started to feel really weird. I was in a lot of pain and felt like something was leaking inside of my legs, ovaries and uterus. Before I asked for a second opinion and everything was okay at the clinic, the IVF nurse said that she would be there for at any time of my cycle and if I needed anything at all to call or email her, yet when I was concerned and needed her I couldn't get a hold of her, or anyone at the clinic for that matter. I still don't know what was wrong with me, but as soon as my period started I passed a clot the size of the toilet and felt a lot better. This was months ago and the clinic never did follow up with me. You think they would want to make sure I was okay after giving me all of those IVF medications, oh yeah but that's not on their records so I guess they don't care.
DH and I have realized that we were being screwed by this clinic big time! All they cared about was money. They strung us along knowing that nothing they were doing would work and nickeled and dimed us. When I went there for the first time they led me to believe that I couldn't buy fertility medication at a normal pharmacy and said that if we were to buy our medication elsewhere we would have to pay them $75 per cycle. That must have pissed people off because they stopped that.
I cannot believe I wasted 2 years with those crooks. I have more stories about them that would make anyone cringe but this is getting long so I'll get to those later.
In my next post I will write about our new plans.
Tuesday 4 June 2013
To Be Continued...
I have to stop blog writing for now, however, I will be back after IVF to share my experience.
Thursday 30 May 2013
IVF with ICSI Short Protocol.
Yesterday it was confirmed that we will be moving on to IVF next cycle. I went to the fertility clinic yesterday for my routine blood test and ultrasound. I also had a sonohysterogram and saw my RE. My SHG came back normal which was a relief. After the sono was over I saw my RE to discuss a protocol. We decided on the short protocol. On CD1 I have to call the clinic to make an appointment for a baseline ultrasound, and if everything is good then they will stock me up with all kinds of fun drugs.
With my history, I keep thinking that I won't respond to medications and the cycle will be cancelled, however I'm confident that won't happen because I will be taking a whole new set of drugs that I have never had before. I'm on cycle day 11 right now and can't wait to get this started, although I would rather see 2 pink lines this cycle instead.
Here's what I will be taking:
- Puregon (250 iu)
- Menopur (150 iu)
- Cetrotide (once a lead follicle reaches 14mm)
- HCG (36 hours before retrieval)
- Progesterone suppositories (600mg/day after ovulation for hopefully 12 weeks ;)
With my history, I keep thinking that I won't respond to medications and the cycle will be cancelled, however I'm confident that won't happen because I will be taking a whole new set of drugs that I have never had before. I'm on cycle day 11 right now and can't wait to get this started, although I would rather see 2 pink lines this cycle instead.
Friday 17 May 2013
Insomnia due to infertility depression
It's 5am here and I can't sleep. Everyone keeps telling me I have nothing to be depressed about because it's no big deal that I can't get pregnant. They tell me that I'm overreacting and can't expect everything I want in life. According to everyone around me, without the exception of DH, I have no right to be depressed about this. Apparently, I'm nuts because I get sad seeing pregnant women. Does anyone know how I can feel the way everyone thinks I should feel? I don't know how to feel like a normal person who is in my situation struggling with infertility. When I told someone who I really care about and needed their support that I was going through IVF, all they had to say was oh yeah? Another person who I thought would be supportive told me that at least I won't have to go through anything during IVF. Um, that's not what the doctor said lol. When I told this person that it was invasive, she told me that I would get through it and it couldn't be that bad. Not even a good luck, or I hope it works, nothing but negativity. I have gotten no encouragement from anyone I know in real life. Everyone who I know that is pregnant is getting tons of support from the same people who could care less about my severe depression due to infertility.
I really wish I could feel the way I'm supposed to feel at a time like this, happy and not caring because IVF is no big deal according to the people I told. I have been trying so hard, but I can't feel the way everyone says I should feel. I'm such a big baby and hate it. I want to be a stronger person.
I haven't told anyone when we will be doing IVF, and I don't plan to either because it's obvious they don't care. From now on my struggle with getting pregnant will be kept to myself and my online friends. I'm sick of being told to stop talking about it when I do.
Sorry for being such a drama queen, but I needed to vent.
I really wish I could feel the way I'm supposed to feel at a time like this, happy and not caring because IVF is no big deal according to the people I told. I have been trying so hard, but I can't feel the way everyone says I should feel. I'm such a big baby and hate it. I want to be a stronger person.
I haven't told anyone when we will be doing IVF, and I don't plan to either because it's obvious they don't care. From now on my struggle with getting pregnant will be kept to myself and my online friends. I'm sick of being told to stop talking about it when I do.
Sorry for being such a drama queen, but I needed to vent.
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