I Can Do This

Go to the hospital tomorrow that is. Yup I am going to the worst part of the hospital, the labour and delivery ward. A new family member is being born by c-section and I am going to meet her. I was at the delivery for my cousin's other 3 kids so I can't not be there for him time. I remember when I found out his girlfriend was pregnant I cried for hours and hours straight. I hate being reminded how hard it is to conceive, and when I find out someone is pregnant that's exactly what happens. This baby was unplanned and my cousin wasn't very pleased when he found out. It's so weird how people who don't want babies can have them left right and centre and people who do want them can't or it takes them years of trying. I just can't figure out life sometimes. Although I wasn't happy about this pregnancy, I am ecstatic to have a newborn baby in the family. I remember in my early 20's being so upset when no one in my family was pregnant. I kept wishing that someone would have a baby for the family lol. I still feel the same way, I just most of the time (okay all of the time) wish it was me having a baby.  

I'm still not sure if I want to go, but only because the hospital is 2 hours away from me and what happens if I have a nervous breakdown while I am there? My mom has a mean friend who works at this hospital and I don't want to run into her. I decided a long time ago to never see this person again no matter what under any circumstances because she has turrets syndrome and always gets into fights with people. This is the mother of my ex-pregnant bully, they are the worst human beings on this planet. I am hoping that no fights are started with me on the baby ward because I might just lose it. I can't see her being a bitch while she's at work, but you never know. 

I have 2 great excuses not to go the hospital, but I am going to be strong and go. I want to be there for my cousin and I want to meet the baby.