My symptoms so far

I know some of you may think it's too early to feel symptoms and that most symptoms are caused by medications, but the fact that I have been taking estrogen and progesterone for a long time now, and my symptoms just started yesterday, makes me think that they may be real. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I did have 2 perfect embryos placed in my uterus so there's a good chance I could be pregnant. (I hope I didn't jinx myself by saying that). These are my symptoms:

1. fatigue/exhaustion
2. irritability
3. extreme hunger
4. weird and vivid dreams
5. mild uterine cramping and pinching
6. a weird taste in my mouth that tastes like blood
7. very bad headaches (I NEVER get headaches)

I'm not sure if these symptoms mean anything, but a girl can wish right? After 3 years of trying to have a baby, I notice every little thing that is going on in my body. DH said that I have been acting very strange lately and he has noticed a difference in my personality. 

The only problem is my gut is telling me that I'm not pregnant. Deep down I can feel that this hasn't worked. I hate feeling like this. I wish I wasn't so negative all of the time, and it doesn't help that my FRERs are coming back negative. I know 3dp5dpt is insanely early, so I have to keep that in mind. Someone at the RBA told me that in the past month 3 ladies had negative HPTs but had positive betas. My blood test is scheduled for this Wednesday and I have no idea how to keep sane until then lol. I will continue to pee on pregnancy tests until then and hope that a second line shows. As soon as I wake up tomorrow I will take another FRER. If it was negative today I don't see it being positive tomorrow, but you never know. The idea of getting pregnant just seems impossible. I feel my odds of winning the $50 million lotto max tonight are better than seeing a second line on a test lol. 

Some Embryo Photoshop Fun

Yeah, I have way too much time on my hands lol. I have been playing around with my embryo on photoshop and have made a couple of pictures. I suck at photoshop and am just learning to use it.


I am going to continue to make my embryo look pretty lol. I just need to think of some ideas.

Let The Daily Testing Begin!

My plan this cycle was to test every day after my transfer. Yesterday I tested and saw absolutely nothing, obviously. Today I tested thinking I wouldn't see anything, but I swear I see the faintest of faintest line. It's probably my eyes playing tricks on me, but I'm having fun so that's all that matters. I know from past experiences not to get my hopes up. I also know that 2dp5dpt is waaaay too early, but I need something to keep my mind preoccupied so why not test every day? lol.

Here's my picture of todays test. It's a bit blurry, but if you look closely there's a hint of a pink line.

I don't think it worked

I had my transfer yesterday and today I am convinced it hasn't worked. I know it's still early, but I'm pretty sure this isn't happening. This afternoon I started to feel very cranky and bitchy! I am majorly PMSing. I am so irritable that I feel like ripping my hair out and screaming at the top of my lungs for absolutely no reason at all. I have been seeing big spots of bright red blood when I wipe after using the washroom. I knew it was too good to be true. WTF is wrong with me? I don't understand why I can't get pregnant. I was so excited and hopeful yesterday, but that has all changed today. FML!

Embryo Transfer Complete!

I just finished my transfer, and everything went better than expected. I thought for sure all 4 of my embryos were going to die. When I went into the room for my transfer I saw one embryo on the screen so then I thought that it was the only embryo that made it. The embryologist came into the room to tell me that all 4 of my embryos made it to blasts and they were perfect. He insisted that I only transfer 1, but after going at this for so long I wanted the best chance so I begged him to transfer 2. After about 30 minutes of him saying no, he finally gave in and allowed me to transfer 2 lol. I'm not sure what the grades of the embryos are, but I was told they were the best they could be for day 5. Not only did we have 2 transferred, but we also have 2 frozen embryos. I am so excited to finally be at this point, as I never thought I would make it to a transfer. I am feeling very confident. I know that may be a bad thing because I don't want to get my hopes up. I have had my hopes up many times before, but this time is different, it's something we have never done before.

Even though I had 2 transferred, they gave me a picture of 1. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I thought a blast would have had more going on. I guess it's time to google like crazy lol.

Fertilization Report and Other Stuff.

Yesterday DH gave a sample and our 8 eggs were thawed. I got a message today from the RBA that 4 out of the 8 eggs fertilized and are at the 2 PN stage right now. I'm a bit discouraged by the report. I think the average fertilization rate of frozen eggs at the RBA is something like 70-90%. If only 4 eggs were fertilized I wonder how many will grow properly and be ready for transfer. I am freaking out thinking that they will all arrest and I will have none to transfer. I was expecting a better fertilization report, so I am a bit sad and worried as hell. I am seeing my doctor on Monday and will find out then if the 4 embryos made it. Let's just say that this is going to be a torturous weekend and I'm not going to stop worrying. I hope and pray that all 4 make it and we will be successful, but I have the worst luck it seems when it comes to my fertility that I just don't know anymore. Oh well, it's out of my hands and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. All I can do is hope for the best. I just wish I wasn't the worrying type.

The weather here in Atlanta is pretty shitty, it's cold and gloomy just like at home in Toronto. I miss my puppy a lot and can't wait to see him again when I get home. My parents are at my house taking care of him and my mom said that he woke her up in the middle of the night crying. This is not like him at all. He never wakes up through the night. I'm guessing he misses DH and I, poor thing.

We are for sure going to Universal Studios in Orlando tomorrow. It's a 6 hour drive so we have to wake up very early. We will leave here around 6am, stay there for a few hours and return to Atlanta sometime at night. I have always wanted to go to Universal Studios so I can't wait!!! When I was 14 and at my aunt's house, she told her kids right in front of my brothers and I that she was taking them to Universal Studios. I will never forget how happy her kids were when they found out, but I will definitely not forget how sad my brothers and I were when she told them right in front of us. What kind of an adult does that? It was one of the meanest things that anyone has ever done to me as a child. I spent the whole day at her house listening to her kids saying, "haha, we get to go to Florida and you don't". My aunt then proceeded to tell us that we would never get the chance to go to Florida because we were too poor to afford it. What a BITCH! Why did she have to tell her kids in front of us, and why couldn't she have told them when we left her house? It was like, gee let's invite my niece and nephews over so we can brag to them how we get to go to Florida and they don't. Well, 17 years later and karma sure has shown itself to her. Thanks karma! Okay, so that was off topic, but it was bugging me so I had to get it off my chest.

Progesterone in Oil Was Painless

My old crook of an RE told me that progesterone given by a needle was painful and expensive. What a liar that idiot was. First of all, it's not that expensive. After insurance it came to $30 for 2 vials, $154 without insurance. The suppositories that the crook sold me were $100 per cycle. They were gross and disgusting. After a suppository I needed to lie down for at least 20 minutes so it wouldn't leak out of me. I always had to wear a pad because the suppositories, well you know. The progesterone suppositories were nasty and way worse than the progesterone sesame oil.

The progesterone in oil was very easy and painless. I would rather have PIO than suppositories any day. If you are afraid of pain from progesterone needles, don't be since they were a piece of cake. The only down side to the progesterone oil is that it's very thick so it's hard to draw up with the syringe. The needle I was terrified of was nothing and I can't believe I was nervous about it for so long. The old RE told me it would leave huge welts but it left nothing. I had no pain during or after the needle. It was a huge relief.

This morning DH and I went to the RBA so he could give a sample. At some point today my eggs will be thawed and fertilized. I'm not sure if they are going to call me with a fertilization report or not. It says on my protocol that they will in a couple of days, but I have read online that they don't. I'm going to see my doctor on Monday for a trial embryo transfer and then go back on Tuesday for the actual transfer. On Wednesday DH and I will fly home and wait to test. Now I'm sitting in the hotel while DH is working. He can work anywhere that has a wifi connection.  Now I'm trying to figure out what there is to do in Atlanta. I'm bored lol.